Carrotcake

I might be a gardener. I used to be. More, a weeder really. Those white ones that explode if you touch them. But now, someone bought me carrot seeds, as a joke. Trust me, it was funny. I sort of want to make them. They take 8 days to germinate and 70 days to mature. I leave for three weeks in 84 days. And know nothing about growing carrots. Learn by experience?

Someone told me to make sure this meant something.


I was thinking about how terrible it would be to be crucified. I don't think I fully understand, or I wouldn't be who I am now.

I don't feel like writing this.

I talked to the moon tonight. It didn't say anything, because it was really far away and didn't hear me. I heard people say that God is like that, or that they saw God like that. He's far away, can't hear me, probably doesn't even care. They said that Jesus changed all of that. Suddenly He is close and here and we can connect to God. That's sweet and all, but I don't feel very connected. I talked to the moon because it was the biggest, brightest, most beautiful thing I could see. I thought maybe that would make it easier to talk to God. But it's still really far away and doesn't hear me.

How does that work?

If God sent His son to save us, doing nothing wrong by the highest of standards, by dying the most lonely death, to be mocked and fully rejected by the people he loved, and giving everything there was to give, why is it He seems so far away?

It doesn't make sense. But even if I had the magic answer, it wouldn't change anything. I don't want the answers, or the questions.

I don't want to sound like a puppet.