Pumpkin pie

Sometimes I just need to write something here so I will stop thinking about stuff to write here. I plane logs now again. It doesn't take up much mental anything, so it's easy to let the mind drift. And so it does.

I thought about regrets. What if I could go back in time in my life, and live life again from that point on, with all the knowledge I have now? What if I could go back to when I was in highschool, and realized I could do anything I wanted, and actually did something instead of waiting for it to do itself? What if I wasn't scared of new situations and people because they weren't new? Man, I would do things different. Then I realized I was now. Planing logs. It weirded me out a bit. If going back, I would do things different, why don't I do the things that come now how I think I should have done them then? If that makes sense. I'll try again. I'd be friendlier and less shy, more likable if I returned to past situations. Why don't I do this with current situations? Then I thought I should write this down. But there were logs to plane... so I didn't.

But I did keep pondering it. If I did go back and get myself all skilled like in highschool, there is a really good chance I wouldn't be where I am now. Which I guess is part of why I'd want to go back and change stuff. But if I had stuff going, getting skilled and all that, would I have still gone to camp for most of the summer? And, more importantly, gone back the next summer for the whole thing? Because without camp I never met her, and without the next year our relationship never grew. And it continues to grow. If I knew going back and getting skilled made me rich, but I never met her, I don't think I would get rich. This is sounding like one of those movies, where a married guy isn't happy with life, and has a redo. Like seventeen again. Or Shrek. Kind of.

Wisdom was on my mind a bit, so I started reading proverbs. It is true that wisdom has lots to do with listening, and taking advice and rebukes to heart, but 'a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver'. Or something like that. Even a fool is considered wise if he keeps his mouth shut. Wisdom is much more than not talking.

I'm learning (the hard way) that the easy way out is never worth it. Maybe not never. 'Never' and 'Always' should not be used in arguments. Nor should accusatory sentences. "You never listen" "You are always late" Bad. Anyway, I play a nerd game sometimes, and you can beat it, keep a skill, and then play it again, with the option to make it harder. or not. But the harder you make it, the better the rewards are. This might not all make sense. Don, my favourite author, wrote a book about story, about how good stories are about character who overcome a crisis to get what they want. That makes a good story. He went on to talk about how those same principles that make a good story can make a good life.

The harder things are, the more you want to back out. But, if you stick it through, if you overcome, you are something more afterwards. You've grown. If you run out, or give in, give up, you lose. The rewards are nothing, if they are rewards at all, compared to sticking with it. To overcoming. Check out Revelations 2-3. To him who overcomes...

It's worth it.

Ain't it something to know...

The problem with the world can't be boiled down to one problem. Can it? I guess one could try. I'm not that balzy though.

Nor am I that talksy. I went to a bible study with some guys. It was defs an older person bible study. and really small. I like small. There is nothing wrong with small. Just, when someone doesn't talk, it gets noticed. In the beginning, I disagreed heavily with what they were saying. But as I listened, they went other places that I did agree with. I was glad I held my tongue, and so continued to do so. Afterwards, one of the guys told me I was the wisest one there. Apparently wisdom doesn't speak. Or those with wisdom don't. Maybe that's true. Maybe that is why things are the way they are today.

Some things never change though. I believe men need to work. Not necessarily that they were made to work, but that they need to. Paul says if you don't work, you don't eat. I like that rule. I'll be a great parent. And even before that, with the fall, work had to be to get food. Farming is a lot of work. You can diss farmers if you want. You can also starve if you want. Since I believe I should be working, not being able to find anything is all the more frustrating. No wonder the unemployed feel so helpless. So useless.

One day, if things work out, I'll build things. I like the idea of building something. I also like the idea of getting better, at improving on what you do. It's work though. There's no such thing as a free lunch, or so I've heard. The good things in life are worth waiting for. The good things in life are worth working for. Worth living for. But still, I sit here, not really working towards anything. Unemployed people might think they are lazy too. No matter how much work they do. And no matter how little work they do, they are still tired. Bizarre? I think so.

I've heard, in some societies, they have a rite of manhood, where a boy becomes a man. After this rite, he is no longer treated like a boy, because he is a man. If they continued to treat him like a boy after he underwent that rite, he might continue to act like a boy. We don't have rites of manhood here. Now. So, boys go on being boys until they get tired of it. Some never do. Some end up being thirty, forty years old and still living in their parent's basement. And then boys meet girls and make more, who also don't learn about being men.

It's time someone grew up. Not saying people don't. I know lots of people that I shared my childhood with who are all grown. What I am saying is, it's probably time for me to grow up.

I wish I decided this years ago though.