Friends

I was watching a movie some months ago. It was black and white. Kind of slow too, but I like black and white movies. That's what we started with, and I see those old movies as the foundation for what we have now. We had a good foundation. Better than now, even. This movie was about a family, the daughter especially. The family was kind of poor, but the girl was becoming close with a pretty wealthy guy. Sappy love movies. But it was in black and white, so I didn't really care. The rich guy was coming over for dinner. The family wanted everything to be perfect. And they tried, but they failed too. It's so embarrassing. I stopped watching.

In Japanese, on the last day, we watched some of a movie called Totoro. Totoro is this giant rabbit bird type thing. It's a spirit or something. Once again, the stars are a family, two daughters and a dad. Mother is in the hospital. They just moved to a new house. The movie is ridiculously happy. The younger daughter finds a giant totoro and falls asleep on him. When she wakes up, he is gone. She tries to prove it with all the determination that a child can muster. She searches everywhere, but he's gone. She can't show him to dad and sister. I also found this quite sad. Inadequate.

What is a friend? A friend is...this is almost like some lame essay they would make you write in grade four. Well, one more can't hurt, right? A friend is loyal. A friend is nice. A friend makes you laugh. And friend helps you when you need it. You can trust your friends with anything. You don't have to be scared when your friends are around. Maybe a grade two essay. I might pass grade two. Friends were this, or should have been, way back then. What are they now? Is it different? More? I don't really know.

I met my best friend when I was five. Peace Lutheran Church was holding a vacation bible school. He was there. He spoke of some cool games he had, so I went to his place, and we played nerd games. We were five. And we were friends. Over video games. How silly. Our moms became friends. We kept hanging out. Heroes of Might & Magic. ABBA. Grade four, he was dubbed pickle boy, because he said 'pickle' a lot. An, you know how in elementary school, some friends are pretty much always together? Him and I. Hero and sidekick. I was the sidekick. That was okay. Because he was dubbed pickle boy, I was pickle woman for being the sidekick. That's probably the most bullying like thing that happened to me in elementary school. It was okay. It didn't really matter. Middle school. Stuff changed over these three years. He messed his back up. He stayed at home a lot more. I would still go over lots though. We just weren't as tight. Other kids were his friends too, so they would go there lots. That was okay. He became antisocial to some degree. Anxiety disorder and such. Panic attacks. I didn't understand. I couldn't help. He wanted to be alone, so I left him alone.

But it started over video games anyway. Maybe it wasn't important. He is really cool. Pretty much the coolest guy I know. But he doesn't like crowds. And is busy. It's hard to stay connected. He got through the worst part. He is one of the only people I can remember the first time I met him. How we became friends. Most of the others just faded in. Most of the friends I have currently, I can tell stories, but I don't know where it started.

The point of that history was to help figure out what a friend is. I don't think I'm a good friend. I'm a jerk. A friend should be someone people can come to with their crap, and be helped through. I don't have people doing that, and if they did, I wouldn't know what to do. I haven't been most of the places they would tell me about. Maybe that's what a mentor is for. A solution generator. Except, more than that.

A friend should be someone who you would be willing to go anywhere with, talk to about anything, and go through anything with. Someone who is with you.

Uh oh. If that's the definition of a friend, I don't have any right now. Oh dear. A friend is then, someone who has been with you? Not all people you are with are friends. Not really. What is the difference between acquaintances and friends?

I like my friends. I think I'm lucky to have them. I've thought that there was more somewhere though. A friend who would know you thoroughly, through and through, maybe even better than you know yourself. Maybe that is something above the category of 'friend'. I don't know. I like what I have. Hopefully it will become less and less superficial over time. I don't think it is very much like that now. But maybe it could be less? I don't think I'm making sense anymore.

It's summertime though, so we can try talking about this on some sunny day in Sidney. Grab some ice cream. I love the summertime.