I've noticed a somewhat disturbing pattern in some of my friendships. You know, the ones worth keeping. It starts off really solid. And the friendship grows and becomes better, and then. Well, it is repulsed. It would not worry me as much were it not a pattern. I can tell you three or five different instances of said occurrence. They are all crazy different people. I am the common denominator. The problem? It makes me think that maybe I should keep to myself better. More. More better? I guess I am just better in small doses. Or maybe I need a psychologist.
"Better to have flown once than to have never flown at all". A good friend of mine said that. Specifically about flying. Would not want to decontextualize it or anything.
It's funny, the stuff a person believes about themselves.
4 comments:
"It's funny, the stuff a person believes about themselves."
I don't think it is humanly possible for me to agree with you any more.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. At our age, all of us are in a transitory period trying to find ourselves. Some of us have work, some of us have school, some of us live on our own, and we all have wildly differing schedules.
I admit I've lost friends in the past-we've drifted apart. But I don't think you have anything to worry about. You have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders.
~The Muse
Friends come and go. It's... actually rather that simple. What's best for a person now might not be best for them in a few months. Friendships dwindle and strain, and spark and tighten depending on where the individuals are. We are people running around, with giant elastic bands tied to our waists and the waists of those we think about. Every movement brings a little wobble. Sometimes it fires two people together. Sometimes the rubber breaks.
You aren't the person you were a year ago, or a month. You're changing, constantly, for your better or their worse. You can't really call yourself the common denominator if you yourself aren't a constant.
When they end of the day comes, even if your connections have dwindled... can your feelings that you see them as a friend be enough, even if they don't return them?
So, I was not trying to whine, not that I feel accused of that, just feel like clarifying. I'm comforted that you think I have a good heart and head. That's cool. And, I know people go. You don't have to tell me that. I just don't want to lose friends because I'm a jerk. If we just go different places, fine. You can only have so many friends, and better to have more close by. But if I'm driving kids away who get too close, there is something I have to deal with. Is all.
did i say that bit about flying? sounds like something i might have said.
life takes people in different directions and rare are the relationships that hold on through the duration. perhaps as rare are the people who experiencially believe it to be possible. if that is why you are a common denomonator be it known that it is for a very good reason. could it be that you are the constant who has an excellent natural grasp on committment (which you do) while everyone else is a changing cynic.
Take that as you will cause its about as dangerously interprative as i get.
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