| I was thinking about death. It's kind of scary. I decided that is okay though. It doesn't really last that long. I decided that what happens after death is more important. I wish I were a better wordsmith. Duh Werner, you're a christian. Of course you think what happens after death is more important. Thats not what I'm talking about though. Physically, if I died, I wouldn't mind, but everyone else probably would. What would happen? Well, everybody loves me and they would all cry because they would miss me something terrible. That's not really what I meant either though. I've been under the impression that Jesus calls us to die. Physically isn't generally the calling though. He calls us to 'die to ourselves', whatever that means. Okay. I am dead. Now what? I don't know. I have ideas, some that I think are pretty good. I'm glad this is over though. |
I could make up answers. Actually, I think I have a pretty good idea. |
Monday, December 10, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Praying songs
I have a good reason for this slip. Or, a good excuse. Several actually. I think it is better if I don't tell you what they are though.
My mind has been blown by simple questions lately. I spend a lot of time at subway. Someone asked me why I went there. Well, I'm employed there, but why? I had no good answer, so I shut my mouth.
I asked my Mom what she thought about the money thing. I reasoned that if we are supposed to give sacrificially, and have no expenses, then I should give all the money I have? We sing a bunch about how we will give God everything. So my Mom asked 'if you gave all your money, would it be a sacrifice?'. You would think so, but then I thought about it, and I don't really need it that much. It just kind of sits there. I guess that's part of why I wanted to try to find somewhere for it to go now.
I found a place for it to go later though. I talked to Ali about ywam, and she said ,yeah you should totally go. Where? Where I went was good. Or you could go to Colorado. Well, I kind of liked Europe better, but England wasn't shouting my name. I said I would look it up, so I did. And decided England wouldn't be so bad.
Recently I've been wanting to get away. Just from here. Not my house; I'm almost never here anyway, but this whole town. There is nothing wrong with it. I've been here for as long as I can remember. And now I want to go.
This place will still be lovely and beautiful, and I can come back one day and talk with those who are still here and go over the 'remember when's and laugh together. It will be wonderful.
More people I know should come to Subway. Eat fresh, or else.
2 Corinthians is such a weird book. It doesn't seem to fit. At all. It's like they were going through Paul's letters...'hmm, well that's all we should take' 'what about this one?' 'nope, that one isn't necessary' but then the other guy put it in the pile anyway. It isn't that bad. If fact, it seems to be some of the source for the beliefs we have today. But...it felt weird reading.
I'm realizing that my life is an example. Isn't that scary? I'm pretty sure I'm not example worthy.
I broke my computer fast in a day...that's a great example. Okay. Let's try again.
I want to tell you about Jesus trees first. They grow in your heart when the Spirit plants his seed. I like them. I like the term. Jesus trees. That is all.
My mind has been blown by simple questions lately. I spend a lot of time at subway. Someone asked me why I went there. Well, I'm employed there, but why? I had no good answer, so I shut my mouth.
I asked my Mom what she thought about the money thing. I reasoned that if we are supposed to give sacrificially, and have no expenses, then I should give all the money I have? We sing a bunch about how we will give God everything. So my Mom asked 'if you gave all your money, would it be a sacrifice?'. You would think so, but then I thought about it, and I don't really need it that much. It just kind of sits there. I guess that's part of why I wanted to try to find somewhere for it to go now.
I found a place for it to go later though. I talked to Ali about ywam, and she said ,yeah you should totally go. Where? Where I went was good. Or you could go to Colorado. Well, I kind of liked Europe better, but England wasn't shouting my name. I said I would look it up, so I did. And decided England wouldn't be so bad.
Recently I've been wanting to get away. Just from here. Not my house; I'm almost never here anyway, but this whole town. There is nothing wrong with it. I've been here for as long as I can remember. And now I want to go.
This place will still be lovely and beautiful, and I can come back one day and talk with those who are still here and go over the 'remember when's and laugh together. It will be wonderful.
More people I know should come to Subway. Eat fresh, or else.
2 Corinthians is such a weird book. It doesn't seem to fit. At all. It's like they were going through Paul's letters...'hmm, well that's all we should take' 'what about this one?' 'nope, that one isn't necessary' but then the other guy put it in the pile anyway. It isn't that bad. If fact, it seems to be some of the source for the beliefs we have today. But...it felt weird reading.
I'm realizing that my life is an example. Isn't that scary? I'm pretty sure I'm not example worthy.
I broke my computer fast in a day...that's a great example. Okay. Let's try again.
I want to tell you about Jesus trees first. They grow in your heart when the Spirit plants his seed. I like them. I like the term. Jesus trees. That is all.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Lighting up the World
If I stop now, that means we made it almost 7 months. That's a good run, right? I mean, you could ask why, but I think I have decent reasons. It gets in the way. It's a distraction. I really don't have time to throw away.
Sometimes, I wish I would be okay with just writing a line. Just one. And that could be all. I think some of them could stand alone quite well. Yeah.
I think I work too much. I feel like a border in my home. Boarder? Whichever. I don't see my family anymore. But they seem to like me more. They don't get mad at me, and are always smiling. Well, as far as I see.
Let's think this thought again. God asks us to give sacrificially. If you have no expenses, would giving sacrificially look like giving everything? All dollars and time? People tell me to save my money. Ok. That's not too hard. But then people talk of not hoarding stuff. Of taking what the Lord gives you as he gives it. Not hoarding. Not saving? I like to think I'm still a kid, and with that, I will say I don't know enough to figure that out. I'll ask my Mom. She knows everything.
If I wrote this 6 hours ago, this would be drastically different. It would have been a rant on how people are stupid. And, I think they are. In general. I know I shouldn't think like that. I also think I am incredible. I thought that was a good thing to think. My self esteem is good and up there. That's important, right? Teens should have good self esteem or they go downhill. I'm starting to think that being incredible isn't worth it if this is all it is. Maybe, once I see myself as not worth it, and God as where everything is at, then incredible will be what it should be.
40 day revolution of prayer. That is what I say I'm doing. I'm really bad at it. I should take my own advice. I told them not to worry about catching up when they missed some, just carry on. It builds up, and I don't do things once they build up. Too much. I won't touch it. That's not my problem though. Shifting of Focus. Again. The 'of prayer' is the most important part. The activities are trivial in comparison.
It's encouraging to know that other people are doing it with you. I know I'm doing it in a group, and everyone in it is doing it with me, but I doubt they are doing much better than I am. An older couple, who are incredible, said they were doing it with us and praying for us. And you know that they are. I felt encouraged. It feels like a second wind.
That care group is almost cheating, I think. They have so many core church members. Maybe there is a correlation. I might insist that there is. I found the heart of the church. Or part of it.
I think I'm going to go away soon. That's what I want to do. I'll stay in Canada I think. I want to go make my own stories. This isn't for quite a while yet though. Maybe a couple years. It's great having so much time to change your mind. I love it.
Everything is connected. But that might not matter.
If you are going to email me, don't. Call me. Or, if you live far far away, email me, then email someone else to tell them to tell me to check my email.
I'm going to write in my paper book instead, because I love paper.
Sometimes, I wish I would be okay with just writing a line. Just one. And that could be all. I think some of them could stand alone quite well. Yeah.
I think I work too much. I feel like a border in my home. Boarder? Whichever. I don't see my family anymore. But they seem to like me more. They don't get mad at me, and are always smiling. Well, as far as I see.
Let's think this thought again. God asks us to give sacrificially. If you have no expenses, would giving sacrificially look like giving everything? All dollars and time? People tell me to save my money. Ok. That's not too hard. But then people talk of not hoarding stuff. Of taking what the Lord gives you as he gives it. Not hoarding. Not saving? I like to think I'm still a kid, and with that, I will say I don't know enough to figure that out. I'll ask my Mom. She knows everything.
If I wrote this 6 hours ago, this would be drastically different. It would have been a rant on how people are stupid. And, I think they are. In general. I know I shouldn't think like that. I also think I am incredible. I thought that was a good thing to think. My self esteem is good and up there. That's important, right? Teens should have good self esteem or they go downhill. I'm starting to think that being incredible isn't worth it if this is all it is. Maybe, once I see myself as not worth it, and God as where everything is at, then incredible will be what it should be.
40 day revolution of prayer. That is what I say I'm doing. I'm really bad at it. I should take my own advice. I told them not to worry about catching up when they missed some, just carry on. It builds up, and I don't do things once they build up. Too much. I won't touch it. That's not my problem though. Shifting of Focus. Again. The 'of prayer' is the most important part. The activities are trivial in comparison.
It's encouraging to know that other people are doing it with you. I know I'm doing it in a group, and everyone in it is doing it with me, but I doubt they are doing much better than I am. An older couple, who are incredible, said they were doing it with us and praying for us. And you know that they are. I felt encouraged. It feels like a second wind.
That care group is almost cheating, I think. They have so many core church members. Maybe there is a correlation. I might insist that there is. I found the heart of the church. Or part of it.
I think I'm going to go away soon. That's what I want to do. I'll stay in Canada I think. I want to go make my own stories. This isn't for quite a while yet though. Maybe a couple years. It's great having so much time to change your mind. I love it.
Everything is connected. But that might not matter.
If you are going to email me, don't. Call me. Or, if you live far far away, email me, then email someone else to tell them to tell me to check my email.
I'm going to write in my paper book instead, because I love paper.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Bubblyub
I don't like my titles. Ignore them all. They don't belong there. I will continue to put them there, because it doesn't look right without them here, but when I look back, I don't like them. My reflection of these is negative. But that's okay, because I'm still reflecting. I don't know where to start for you. I will attempt to let you have it all though.
I've decided the radio isn't so bad. It's free music, and a large selection I would guess. Yeah.
I went to Abbotsford this weekend. I went expecting it to be like something, only better. Like an amazing retreat, but better because there is no speaker, and amazing stuff happens all the time. It didn't feel like that there. But now, my head is going to explode from so many thoughts.
I think I'm going to try to figure out what I want. Once I know that, then maybe I will go. I can make decisions in this light. I can make decisions.
I definitely think I am going to school somewhere next year. Then I thought about that a little more. I don't like homework at all. And where would I end up? I don't wanna go to Uvic. Or Camosun. Maybe they are okay, but I think they are boring. I wanna go somewhere else. I don't think I want to go Summit either though. I guess it could be tolerable, but... I think a lot comes with it that I might not have asked for if I go there. I'm thinking ywam might be decent.
I can talk to Ali about that I guess.
I don't like board games anymore either. We played some for a couple hours. Cronk asked if he was having fun. I told him he was, but I don't think I was really having fun either. I think these games and movies are a waste of time in general. If they are anything useful, they are tools used towards social interaction. As is this, I guess. Except, this is nothing compared to real people. Real people rock.
The college has two different types of people. Uber friendly outgoing people, and super introverted people. Talk to everyone, or talk to no one. Clearly this is exaggerated a little bit. Everybody has some friends. Sometimes I wish I was one of the more outgoing ones. I wish I didn't have to wish things. That would mean I'm content in whatever I'm in. That would rock. I enjoy rocking.
Don't sing quietly. If you are going to sing, belt it out. You might sound better. Or I might. I'm sorry. That might sound mean, and I didn't mean to do that. I know that confidence does wonders. I wish I was more confident. More wishes. Then we could sing together and be amazing. Spectacular. Epic. Legends.
In the church we went to, the guy read the children a story out of a book about an oak tree. When he let them go back to their seats, he told them that he saw greatness in all of them. Okay. So if everybody is great, why do we have people living mediocre? My Mommy says I'm going to do great things one day. Do everybody's mommies say that to them?
Next time you are on the ferry, and the announcement in the beginning is going, stand up in front of one of the doors where all the seats are, at the front or back, whichever it is, and starting acting out what the announcement is saying. Like a flight attendant. And you don't have to be accurate. Have fun. And maybe you'll meet someone. New friends are excellent.
I was thinking about girls. Apparently, I'm celibate, which means I get to have lots of fun and awkward moments. So, since I enjoy that, we will pretend what I am telling you happened a while ago. I was thinking about the girl I like. Not really about her though. I got stuck on the word 'the'. If there is one girl, then everything rides on that. Rejection is crippling. I don't think girls quite get this. But that's okay.
What about all the other girls? If you are pretty much committed to one, can't you treat all the other ones like...I don't know. Apparently it isn't right to treat girls like guys. So how are you supposed to treat them? Chivalry? Well, I like people to be nice to me too, so why should that stop with girls? Okay, so I should be like a servant. The pastor and Bible and Jesus already said this. This doesn't help though. Why should girls be treated differently? And if they are, what is the difference?
There was a conversation had, and it concluded with someone saying that girls and guys couldn't be just friends. Not really.
Apparently a career or job should be you giving something that you possess that other people want. I tried thinking of skills I have that other people want. That didn't go well. But that's okay. I'm still trying to figure out want I want.
I've decided the radio isn't so bad. It's free music, and a large selection I would guess. Yeah.
I went to Abbotsford this weekend. I went expecting it to be like something, only better. Like an amazing retreat, but better because there is no speaker, and amazing stuff happens all the time. It didn't feel like that there. But now, my head is going to explode from so many thoughts.
I think I'm going to try to figure out what I want. Once I know that, then maybe I will go. I can make decisions in this light. I can make decisions.
I definitely think I am going to school somewhere next year. Then I thought about that a little more. I don't like homework at all. And where would I end up? I don't wanna go to Uvic. Or Camosun. Maybe they are okay, but I think they are boring. I wanna go somewhere else. I don't think I want to go Summit either though. I guess it could be tolerable, but... I think a lot comes with it that I might not have asked for if I go there. I'm thinking ywam might be decent.
I can talk to Ali about that I guess.
I don't like board games anymore either. We played some for a couple hours. Cronk asked if he was having fun. I told him he was, but I don't think I was really having fun either. I think these games and movies are a waste of time in general. If they are anything useful, they are tools used towards social interaction. As is this, I guess. Except, this is nothing compared to real people. Real people rock.
The college has two different types of people. Uber friendly outgoing people, and super introverted people. Talk to everyone, or talk to no one. Clearly this is exaggerated a little bit. Everybody has some friends. Sometimes I wish I was one of the more outgoing ones. I wish I didn't have to wish things. That would mean I'm content in whatever I'm in. That would rock. I enjoy rocking.
Don't sing quietly. If you are going to sing, belt it out. You might sound better. Or I might. I'm sorry. That might sound mean, and I didn't mean to do that. I know that confidence does wonders. I wish I was more confident. More wishes. Then we could sing together and be amazing. Spectacular. Epic. Legends.
In the church we went to, the guy read the children a story out of a book about an oak tree. When he let them go back to their seats, he told them that he saw greatness in all of them. Okay. So if everybody is great, why do we have people living mediocre? My Mommy says I'm going to do great things one day. Do everybody's mommies say that to them?
Next time you are on the ferry, and the announcement in the beginning is going, stand up in front of one of the doors where all the seats are, at the front or back, whichever it is, and starting acting out what the announcement is saying. Like a flight attendant. And you don't have to be accurate. Have fun. And maybe you'll meet someone. New friends are excellent.
I was thinking about girls. Apparently, I'm celibate, which means I get to have lots of fun and awkward moments. So, since I enjoy that, we will pretend what I am telling you happened a while ago. I was thinking about the girl I like. Not really about her though. I got stuck on the word 'the'. If there is one girl, then everything rides on that. Rejection is crippling. I don't think girls quite get this. But that's okay.
What about all the other girls? If you are pretty much committed to one, can't you treat all the other ones like...I don't know. Apparently it isn't right to treat girls like guys. So how are you supposed to treat them? Chivalry? Well, I like people to be nice to me too, so why should that stop with girls? Okay, so I should be like a servant. The pastor and Bible and Jesus already said this. This doesn't help though. Why should girls be treated differently? And if they are, what is the difference?
There was a conversation had, and it concluded with someone saying that girls and guys couldn't be just friends. Not really.
Apparently a career or job should be you giving something that you possess that other people want. I tried thinking of skills I have that other people want. That didn't go well. But that's okay. I'm still trying to figure out want I want.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Apagar
That James guy is pretty smart. He wrote a book that's famous in some circles. He wasn't very creative though. They call it the book of James. If I wrote a book, and called it 'The Book of Werner'...Well, I don't know. That might work. But my point. In his book, he talks about how every good and perfect gift comes from God. The father of lights. I love that part. I love James. He's incredible. That's not my point either though. He said we should be wise with our tongue, or something along those lines. I suppose you could say words instead of tongue. I'm beginning to find out the hard way that James is right. I should have known. James is always right.
Yesterday, I failed at life. It was my day off. It started ridiculously early despite it being my day of relaxation. That's not really what I intended it for though. It was going to be incredible, with my room all clean and my mind map on my wall; a day I worked hard and got stuff done and could feel better afterwards. Anyway, it started with Cronk and I climbing a mountain. That's right. We climbed a mountain at 7 in the morning. You know you are jealous, and so would have rather climbed a mountain than been sleeping at that time...never mind. I got home about 8:30, and figured I should check out compy stuff. So I did. The other night I heard about a site I should have checked out, so I did. Unfortunately, it was a large site and drew me in. I sort of wanted to leave it alone, But I like finishing things too. I tried. Eventually I quit though. Then I played games. I'm such a dork.
I took my day and ruined it in nothingness. Crap. My room is still a warzone, and my mind map hasn't left my mind. Then I went and voiced some thoughts. Like here, sort of. I'd say less thought out, but it wasn't really. Maybe a little. I'm forced to think as slowly as I type. Anyway, while voicing these thoughts I went and offended one of my friends. That was a great move. Someone should give me an award. For being stupid. Darn.
But you know what's really cool? We sorted it out. Yeah! I love it when things are fixed.
I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty much on the computer whenever I should be praying. I Am close to reaching complete independence from the computer. Just enough blogs that I can count on one hand, and emails left to go. I don't don't know if all of those are cuttable though. Limited? Probably. Something about discipline. In theory, I'll continue to get better at that.
I like the songs we sing, because we can pray them. I was set loose to begin a voluntary research project, and I chose the early church. Apparently, it's supposed to be about answering a question. You've gotta know a bunch about your topic first before you can ask a good question. So I read Act and got halfway through a second book that talks about that church. I've been halfway through that book for a while now. I still don't really know anything. It said something about worship though. It said that they probably took their way of worshiping God as when they were Jews. Well...Know what I mean. In their synagogues, they worship through song, prayer, and teaching. I think that is amazing, and beautiful, and simple. Why does the church meet? For the Lord's supper, according to the book. But they worship through all those and life. I had a point. I liked the point I had. I'm sorry I lost it.
I think my heart might be broken though. Not like, the love of my life left me. Apparently I'm celebate anyway, so that will never be a problem. But it doesn't seem to work like I want it to. 'Let's pray for these people!' 'Well, okay, but I don't really care about them...' Oh dear. My Mom trying to talk to me about money. I kind of didn't care. Indifference is definitely the worst. I like that song though. Take my heart. Make it new. Make it true. Make it like you. Yeah Do It! Fix me, please!
You are supposed to learn from mistakes. Because you remember them. Because something worth remembering happened. What you didn't want to happen. That's how it works, right? Subway is terrible at telling me what to do. I went to 'apply' and was interviewed and signed up to work the next day. Figure it out by doing it. Monday, they told me to put bread in the thing. I don't know how to do bread. I sort of have an idea, but that's all observational. So I brought the bread to the thing, and was told to spray them with water. Oh, and you don't need to spray those ones. Oh, okay. So I put the bread in the thing, and forgot about it. A long time later, someone wondered how is the bread doing? Well, each loaf was about the size of two puppies. Apparently there is a timer that you definitely want to set before putting bread in the thing.
I still make some sandwiches not actually knowing how much of what goes where.
Yesterday, I failed at life. It was my day off. It started ridiculously early despite it being my day of relaxation. That's not really what I intended it for though. It was going to be incredible, with my room all clean and my mind map on my wall; a day I worked hard and got stuff done and could feel better afterwards. Anyway, it started with Cronk and I climbing a mountain. That's right. We climbed a mountain at 7 in the morning. You know you are jealous, and so would have rather climbed a mountain than been sleeping at that time...never mind. I got home about 8:30, and figured I should check out compy stuff. So I did. The other night I heard about a site I should have checked out, so I did. Unfortunately, it was a large site and drew me in. I sort of wanted to leave it alone, But I like finishing things too. I tried. Eventually I quit though. Then I played games. I'm such a dork.
I took my day and ruined it in nothingness. Crap. My room is still a warzone, and my mind map hasn't left my mind. Then I went and voiced some thoughts. Like here, sort of. I'd say less thought out, but it wasn't really. Maybe a little. I'm forced to think as slowly as I type. Anyway, while voicing these thoughts I went and offended one of my friends. That was a great move. Someone should give me an award. For being stupid. Darn.
But you know what's really cool? We sorted it out. Yeah! I love it when things are fixed.
I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty much on the computer whenever I should be praying. I Am close to reaching complete independence from the computer. Just enough blogs that I can count on one hand, and emails left to go. I don't don't know if all of those are cuttable though. Limited? Probably. Something about discipline. In theory, I'll continue to get better at that.
I like the songs we sing, because we can pray them. I was set loose to begin a voluntary research project, and I chose the early church. Apparently, it's supposed to be about answering a question. You've gotta know a bunch about your topic first before you can ask a good question. So I read Act and got halfway through a second book that talks about that church. I've been halfway through that book for a while now. I still don't really know anything. It said something about worship though. It said that they probably took their way of worshiping God as when they were Jews. Well...Know what I mean. In their synagogues, they worship through song, prayer, and teaching. I think that is amazing, and beautiful, and simple. Why does the church meet? For the Lord's supper, according to the book. But they worship through all those and life. I had a point. I liked the point I had. I'm sorry I lost it.
I think my heart might be broken though. Not like, the love of my life left me. Apparently I'm celebate anyway, so that will never be a problem. But it doesn't seem to work like I want it to. 'Let's pray for these people!' 'Well, okay, but I don't really care about them...' Oh dear. My Mom trying to talk to me about money. I kind of didn't care. Indifference is definitely the worst. I like that song though. Take my heart. Make it new. Make it true. Make it like you. Yeah Do It! Fix me, please!
You are supposed to learn from mistakes. Because you remember them. Because something worth remembering happened. What you didn't want to happen. That's how it works, right? Subway is terrible at telling me what to do. I went to 'apply' and was interviewed and signed up to work the next day. Figure it out by doing it. Monday, they told me to put bread in the thing. I don't know how to do bread. I sort of have an idea, but that's all observational. So I brought the bread to the thing, and was told to spray them with water. Oh, and you don't need to spray those ones. Oh, okay. So I put the bread in the thing, and forgot about it. A long time later, someone wondered how is the bread doing? Well, each loaf was about the size of two puppies. Apparently there is a timer that you definitely want to set before putting bread in the thing.
I still make some sandwiches not actually knowing how much of what goes where.
Monday, October 22, 2007
We aren't the only show in town.
Sometimes when I'm talking to people, they start talking to someone else, and my mind goes somewhere else. Then I continue talking from where my mind went. It doesn't make physical sense how I got there, and it seems random, and they won't understand what I am talking about. But, really, details kind of bore me in some things. They make things make sense. But they aren't exciting. They are part of the story and the build up, but I don't know if I have patience for that. I want to jump up to the climax. Having explained this, I feel a little better. The flow is here. And I will tell you where I am.
The Airlock has been given an assignment as individual members, together. It is difficult to accomplish alone, as we are given it, but we are meant to do it together. This might not be making sense yet. More small things. 'The 40 day Revolution' is a book we have adapted to our youth group, and are implementing through the cell groups. It is an assignment for us to do everyday. For me. For them. Each one who participates. It is meant to be a fasting type thing, but we decided that for youth to be fasting food for forty days was a bad idea. It starts Sunday, October 28th.
We should fast something though, right? I went assuming this, and was surprised when my co-leader disagreed. It seems to lose a lot of it's impact if that is missing. We wanted to dumb it down more. We haven't even started yet and we want it easier. We want to be ready; We might not be. We want to be ready for the things God has for us. For what he has. Whatever it is, it will be intense. And if he throws surprises at us and gives something simple, like swimming in a dirty river for a while, that's okay too. This 'fasting' thing is meant to disconnect us from the life that we have in the world a bit, while drawing us more into God's life for us. Into God's life. Closer to Him. It doesn't cloister you away from the world. In fact, it challenges to you go do specific things that you would have never done if not asked. Scary things. Potentially awkward thing. Things that make you reach out. Things that will bust your comfort zone if you so choose to follow through. Choosing some activities over others doesn't seem very...solid.
On the front of the little booklet, it has a verse that said something about Jesus getting up early in the morning, before the sun rose, and praying on a mountain side. I read that, and thought that sounded great. I don't have a mountain side, but I can get up before the sun, right? Well, I decided that late one night, and let the next morning slide. Then the next morning, this would be the day. But it wasn't. Apparently I need sleep more than I know. I am sure that prayer is important to the start of things. So it should happen at the start of my day. I want to be able to do this, but I can't right now. Something needs to change. I should probably go to bed earlier. Maybe the start of my day doesn't have to be before the sun rises?
I made a list of things I could pray for. Before I complained that I had nothing to talk to God about. Now I have a list of things to ask Him. But it isn't like a grocery list. I got the base of this from adapting a thing sent out by the pastor, Pastor John, and forwarded to us through Andrew. It told us how to practically live. But I don't like vague lists of things you could do. That are really hard to do. And a list like that would be pretty impossible. And constant. Like washing dishes. It's never really finished. I took the things it told us to ask God for and made my list. Then I prayed my list. Then I made a sweet picture with my list and put it on my desktop. It was amazing. Then my Dad told me to make the lines go away. The lines were my list. I asked why, and he said he didn't like them. I reluctantly replaced the desktop. That made me a little sad.
The next couple days reminded me that I had told people I would pray for them, but really, I don't pray as much as I should. I intend to pray my list everyday though...So I should add them to my list! I did, and now I have this paper full of stuff to pray for, and would take forever to read through, let alone pray for. I don't think I can do this. But, I have a list. That must count for something.
I think I'm going to try to fast anyway. I was thinking, what should I fast? Well, probably everything I can do without. Isn't that scary? Thursday nights I watch Heroes with Michael Cronk, Christian Gowan, and Joshua Sissons. It's great. I love Heroes. I also watch the new stuff sometime late Monday night or Tuesday. But they can go on without me. And all the new stuff will still be nice and new for me when these forty days are over. I could fast gaming and such things. There are games, I have been told, that I am missing out on, and that I really should play. I haven't yet and I'm fine so far. Movies I've been told to watch. One day. Compy? Well...Completely? I'm already off msn. A different fast with a guy, completely separate from all this. In theory I could tie up most of the ends by Sunday...and if I can, I should, right? We will see.
More than the problem of what to give up is what to do with this time it should free up. I had lots of time once. And I did nothing a lot. I slept. I made myself food. I watched a season that is about 20 hours long in a week. I was a waste. I read in a book that idleness is bad. That we shouldn't be idle. That if we don't work, we shouldn't eat.
Proverbs says bad stuff about sluggards too. I guess I have a huge list I'm supposed to pray through. And a book 66 long that I could read.
I was thinking about something. On a Wednesday, there was a conversation about the other churches in the area. The denominations. About how most of our pentecostal church members are from other churches. Then, kind of accidentally and in a completely different context, not relevant to this in any way, on Friday Andrew said something of the other churches in the area. You're clever. You'll figure it out. Then Sunday kind of clicked a little. I don't even like that song much. The dumb break dividing walls song. Like, I guess it's an okay song, with a good idea. But it is always played intentionally. With an agenda I might say. It isn't a song to be a song, so I don't like it. But, there are a lot of churches in this area. And maybe, we could send people to them? Revive them?
Christian is an evangelist. He works at the anglican church. He says that, as an evangelist, he shouldn't be working inside the walls of the church, but outside of the church. And, as he an evangelist, I agree. We have people to go bring Jesus out to the world, if the world will take it. But could we, these churches here, work at this together? I don't know how to get there, but maybe we could start something. I'm pretty sure something is already started. It would be foolhardy to think I was the first.
I kind of want to start seeing how things are going with the other churches here. Maybe I can do something. Maybe we can change something. Maybe.
By the way, Thrice has a new album out. It is incredible. Go listen to it. http://www.myspace.com/thrice
And the lyrics are powerful too. Look them up.
The Airlock has been given an assignment as individual members, together. It is difficult to accomplish alone, as we are given it, but we are meant to do it together. This might not be making sense yet. More small things. 'The 40 day Revolution' is a book we have adapted to our youth group, and are implementing through the cell groups. It is an assignment for us to do everyday. For me. For them. Each one who participates. It is meant to be a fasting type thing, but we decided that for youth to be fasting food for forty days was a bad idea. It starts Sunday, October 28th.
We should fast something though, right? I went assuming this, and was surprised when my co-leader disagreed. It seems to lose a lot of it's impact if that is missing. We wanted to dumb it down more. We haven't even started yet and we want it easier. We want to be ready; We might not be. We want to be ready for the things God has for us. For what he has. Whatever it is, it will be intense. And if he throws surprises at us and gives something simple, like swimming in a dirty river for a while, that's okay too. This 'fasting' thing is meant to disconnect us from the life that we have in the world a bit, while drawing us more into God's life for us. Into God's life. Closer to Him. It doesn't cloister you away from the world. In fact, it challenges to you go do specific things that you would have never done if not asked. Scary things. Potentially awkward thing. Things that make you reach out. Things that will bust your comfort zone if you so choose to follow through. Choosing some activities over others doesn't seem very...solid.
On the front of the little booklet, it has a verse that said something about Jesus getting up early in the morning, before the sun rose, and praying on a mountain side. I read that, and thought that sounded great. I don't have a mountain side, but I can get up before the sun, right? Well, I decided that late one night, and let the next morning slide. Then the next morning, this would be the day. But it wasn't. Apparently I need sleep more than I know. I am sure that prayer is important to the start of things. So it should happen at the start of my day. I want to be able to do this, but I can't right now. Something needs to change. I should probably go to bed earlier. Maybe the start of my day doesn't have to be before the sun rises?
I made a list of things I could pray for. Before I complained that I had nothing to talk to God about. Now I have a list of things to ask Him. But it isn't like a grocery list. I got the base of this from adapting a thing sent out by the pastor, Pastor John, and forwarded to us through Andrew. It told us how to practically live. But I don't like vague lists of things you could do. That are really hard to do. And a list like that would be pretty impossible. And constant. Like washing dishes. It's never really finished. I took the things it told us to ask God for and made my list. Then I prayed my list. Then I made a sweet picture with my list and put it on my desktop. It was amazing. Then my Dad told me to make the lines go away. The lines were my list. I asked why, and he said he didn't like them. I reluctantly replaced the desktop. That made me a little sad.
The next couple days reminded me that I had told people I would pray for them, but really, I don't pray as much as I should. I intend to pray my list everyday though...So I should add them to my list! I did, and now I have this paper full of stuff to pray for, and would take forever to read through, let alone pray for. I don't think I can do this. But, I have a list. That must count for something.
I think I'm going to try to fast anyway. I was thinking, what should I fast? Well, probably everything I can do without. Isn't that scary? Thursday nights I watch Heroes with Michael Cronk, Christian Gowan, and Joshua Sissons. It's great. I love Heroes. I also watch the new stuff sometime late Monday night or Tuesday. But they can go on without me. And all the new stuff will still be nice and new for me when these forty days are over. I could fast gaming and such things. There are games, I have been told, that I am missing out on, and that I really should play. I haven't yet and I'm fine so far. Movies I've been told to watch. One day. Compy? Well...Completely? I'm already off msn. A different fast with a guy, completely separate from all this. In theory I could tie up most of the ends by Sunday...and if I can, I should, right? We will see.
More than the problem of what to give up is what to do with this time it should free up. I had lots of time once. And I did nothing a lot. I slept. I made myself food. I watched a season that is about 20 hours long in a week. I was a waste. I read in a book that idleness is bad. That we shouldn't be idle. That if we don't work, we shouldn't eat.
Proverbs says bad stuff about sluggards too. I guess I have a huge list I'm supposed to pray through. And a book 66 long that I could read.
I was thinking about something. On a Wednesday, there was a conversation about the other churches in the area. The denominations. About how most of our pentecostal church members are from other churches. Then, kind of accidentally and in a completely different context, not relevant to this in any way, on Friday Andrew said something of the other churches in the area. You're clever. You'll figure it out. Then Sunday kind of clicked a little. I don't even like that song much. The dumb break dividing walls song. Like, I guess it's an okay song, with a good idea. But it is always played intentionally. With an agenda I might say. It isn't a song to be a song, so I don't like it. But, there are a lot of churches in this area. And maybe, we could send people to them? Revive them?
Christian is an evangelist. He works at the anglican church. He says that, as an evangelist, he shouldn't be working inside the walls of the church, but outside of the church. And, as he an evangelist, I agree. We have people to go bring Jesus out to the world, if the world will take it. But could we, these churches here, work at this together? I don't know how to get there, but maybe we could start something. I'm pretty sure something is already started. It would be foolhardy to think I was the first.
I kind of want to start seeing how things are going with the other churches here. Maybe I can do something. Maybe we can change something. Maybe.
By the way, Thrice has a new album out. It is incredible. Go listen to it. http://www.myspace.com/thrice
And the lyrics are powerful too. Look them up.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Start here ----x
I feel like I could be on the edge of something huge. One more step and everything could change. Do you feel like that? What if God showed us things if we only paid attention? I used to pray to God, asking for Him to be clear if he ever spoke to me, because if He wasn't, I probably wouldn't catch it. In English class, you read a story and are asked to find the theme. Maybe. Amongst other stuff. Maybe there are themes in life that come and go? Well, there are, but maybe God could be saying something through them. Saying words is dangerous. You're supposed to back them up. Here we go anyways.
I am involved in stuff at the church. I help with the children's ministry that we are launching new and fresh. I help with youth. I attend young adults. I attend a cell group for Catalyst youth. I also attend a cell group of some of the church members. And then I go to church. That's a lot of stuff. It's good. I'm not trying to brag. I just want you to know where I get some of this stuff from. When I mention these, you can say okay, I sort of know what he is talking about.
The kids program has taken the name of our most recent vbs, Reach. Sunday mornings is run through a kidmo thing. That's okay. So far, I have only been in meetings for that...I don't like those meetings either. But once a month, we hang out with the kids for a couple hours for the evening. Always on a Tuesday. The theme there is prayer, which is sweet because prayer is great, and I don't do it nearly enough. We get kids to write prayers in a book, and over time we will look back and see prayers answered. I decided, for that part, that I was a kid. Then I was disappointed when I discovered I had to give the book back at the end of the night. I'm gonna write so much more in that book when I get it back. Oh man. It's supposed to be for the kids... Lead by example? oh dear...
Catalyst youth is also focused on prayer right now. Sort of. Because Andrew is. He reads this...Whatever. Here is my mind window, and other people don't stop thoughts, do they? Andrew's wife is having a baby! Isn't that sweet? I love babies...But they are all scared of me. Andrew and Nelia went and had some regular tests done, and discovered that the baby might not be as healthy as they hoped. Now they are praying harder than they ever prayed before, and taking lots of people with them. Which is great. I wish I was there. With that much prayer surrounding it, God is guaranteed to be there. Andrew said that disaster will drive you to your knees, but it won't keep you there. Even before this happened, Andrew was talking about how prayer should be more than a thing we do, but a part of us. I agree, and wish I could draw what that looks like. Catalyst youth is fairly new. We changed our name, are downstairs, and are launching it all off in prayer.
I tried to pray a bunch a while back. I would lay there in my bed and try talking to God...and then realize I have nothing to say and fall asleep. Maybe I needed sleep more than prayer? No...err...I heard someone talk about something like that once. Marcel talked about how we needed to start small. Practice praying. Pray for a couple minutes a day. Then maybe five minutes the next week. Ten minutes, building up to the level of prayer warrior, praying for hours at a time. I'm not too grand at practicing stuff though. I might lack self discipline.
The Airlock, the Catalyst youth cell group I lead/attend, is going to do this pretty cool thing. Or, Jon Bryden is going to do this cool thing and bring it to the group where we can share in it. He is going to research on the promises God makes to us in the Bible, and then we can pray God's promises. This excites me. No excuse of having nothing to say. Maybe it will help me pray again. At the youth group, a couple ladies who pray for us came in and said some things about prayer. One said to pray the scriptures. That it was powerful. I believe it.
I have more to say, and hope to tell you. We are on the edge of something huge. Let me tell you about the fictional character of Peter Petrelli. He was a hospice nurse. He had dreams that he could fly. Then he flew, and did some more incredible stuff. He found someone who knew about this stuff and had even written a book about it. He quit his job, and even though everyone thought he was a fool, he pursued this thing. He gave up his life to try to figure out what was going on.
I want to be like that. Wouldn't that rock? So now, what if prayer is the first step for everything? New stuff is popping up, and prayer is the focus. The foundation? How possible is it to be like that? Well, let's break down a standard week for me and see what it looks like.
Let's function in hours. One week is comprised of 168 hours. Say I sleep 8 hours a night. That's the recommended amount, right? 8x7=56. 168-56=112. Okay. Then let's say I work 40 hours a week, even though I don't. 112-40=72. Then, church for 3 hours on Sunday, Airlock for 3 hours Monday, Young Adults for 3 hours Tuesday, Church group for 3 hours Wednesday, Heroes for 3 hours Thursday, and Youth for 6 hours Friday. darn...I should probably cut back. 7x3=21. 72-21=51. So even with all the stuff, there are about 50 hours a week that I don't really have anything better to do in. Sure, there is eating, and bathroom stuff, but the doesn't affect it too much. I probably should have broken down what I do a long time ago.
I don't want to stop, but I work in 7 hours and am definitely not getting 8 hours of sleep tonight.
I am involved in stuff at the church. I help with the children's ministry that we are launching new and fresh. I help with youth. I attend young adults. I attend a cell group for Catalyst youth. I also attend a cell group of some of the church members. And then I go to church. That's a lot of stuff. It's good. I'm not trying to brag. I just want you to know where I get some of this stuff from. When I mention these, you can say okay, I sort of know what he is talking about.
The kids program has taken the name of our most recent vbs, Reach. Sunday mornings is run through a kidmo thing. That's okay. So far, I have only been in meetings for that...I don't like those meetings either. But once a month, we hang out with the kids for a couple hours for the evening. Always on a Tuesday. The theme there is prayer, which is sweet because prayer is great, and I don't do it nearly enough. We get kids to write prayers in a book, and over time we will look back and see prayers answered. I decided, for that part, that I was a kid. Then I was disappointed when I discovered I had to give the book back at the end of the night. I'm gonna write so much more in that book when I get it back. Oh man. It's supposed to be for the kids... Lead by example? oh dear...
Catalyst youth is also focused on prayer right now. Sort of. Because Andrew is. He reads this...Whatever. Here is my mind window, and other people don't stop thoughts, do they? Andrew's wife is having a baby! Isn't that sweet? I love babies...But they are all scared of me. Andrew and Nelia went and had some regular tests done, and discovered that the baby might not be as healthy as they hoped. Now they are praying harder than they ever prayed before, and taking lots of people with them. Which is great. I wish I was there. With that much prayer surrounding it, God is guaranteed to be there. Andrew said that disaster will drive you to your knees, but it won't keep you there. Even before this happened, Andrew was talking about how prayer should be more than a thing we do, but a part of us. I agree, and wish I could draw what that looks like. Catalyst youth is fairly new. We changed our name, are downstairs, and are launching it all off in prayer.
I tried to pray a bunch a while back. I would lay there in my bed and try talking to God...and then realize I have nothing to say and fall asleep. Maybe I needed sleep more than prayer? No...err...I heard someone talk about something like that once. Marcel talked about how we needed to start small. Practice praying. Pray for a couple minutes a day. Then maybe five minutes the next week. Ten minutes, building up to the level of prayer warrior, praying for hours at a time. I'm not too grand at practicing stuff though. I might lack self discipline.
The Airlock, the Catalyst youth cell group I lead/attend, is going to do this pretty cool thing. Or, Jon Bryden is going to do this cool thing and bring it to the group where we can share in it. He is going to research on the promises God makes to us in the Bible, and then we can pray God's promises. This excites me. No excuse of having nothing to say. Maybe it will help me pray again. At the youth group, a couple ladies who pray for us came in and said some things about prayer. One said to pray the scriptures. That it was powerful. I believe it.
I have more to say, and hope to tell you. We are on the edge of something huge. Let me tell you about the fictional character of Peter Petrelli. He was a hospice nurse. He had dreams that he could fly. Then he flew, and did some more incredible stuff. He found someone who knew about this stuff and had even written a book about it. He quit his job, and even though everyone thought he was a fool, he pursued this thing. He gave up his life to try to figure out what was going on.
I want to be like that. Wouldn't that rock? So now, what if prayer is the first step for everything? New stuff is popping up, and prayer is the focus. The foundation? How possible is it to be like that? Well, let's break down a standard week for me and see what it looks like.
Let's function in hours. One week is comprised of 168 hours. Say I sleep 8 hours a night. That's the recommended amount, right? 8x7=56. 168-56=112. Okay. Then let's say I work 40 hours a week, even though I don't. 112-40=72. Then, church for 3 hours on Sunday, Airlock for 3 hours Monday, Young Adults for 3 hours Tuesday, Church group for 3 hours Wednesday, Heroes for 3 hours Thursday, and Youth for 6 hours Friday. darn...I should probably cut back. 7x3=21. 72-21=51. So even with all the stuff, there are about 50 hours a week that I don't really have anything better to do in. Sure, there is eating, and bathroom stuff, but the doesn't affect it too much. I probably should have broken down what I do a long time ago.
I don't want to stop, but I work in 7 hours and am definitely not getting 8 hours of sleep tonight.
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