Also

My house is a sauna. So hot. Sitting here makes me sweat. The air...It's warm like that. You know how, when is a sauna, it gets harder to breath, and even if it didn't, it feels different? As though the air was laced with warm moisture? It feels like that. I was told being in the sauna for a bit and then taking a cold shower was crazy good for your skin. You sweat pretty well, cleaning out the dirt, and then washing it out all nice. Good for the pores.

I am now unemployed. It's great. Sometimes, when I'm walking along, I remember that I'm unemployed, and that it summer time, and I get excited. Right there on the street. Not that that doesn't happen all the time, or like you could tell. Just trust me. Today, I was in Sidney for a couple hours, and... My shirt has a hole in the top, where one of my shoulders are. The sun burnt one of my shoulders through that hole. Isn't that crazy? Some people like this. I think I have to grab someone and jump in the ocean. I would just jump in by my lonesome, but then I would look like a fool. And I ain't no fool. Or maybe...

I imagine myself talking like this to people. How all my words are worth hearing, never mumbled, always confident. They smile and let me finish whatever I'm saying. It's always brilliant and funny. Whatever they say always makes it better. Recently, I realized it isn't like this. In all likelihood, I'll probably be shy or awkward or a jerk. Or mumble. I always know what I am saying, and when you know what you are saying, it doesn't really matter what you sound like. So I really don't know. Bad volume control. In this imagination of mine, the scenes are always different. I talked to a guy I'm seeing over the next two days sometime (ain't fully sure. That's why I was talking with him. Still ain't fully sure.) and pictured myself being funny and impressive, as I always do. Though, I never am. For some reason, he thinks I'm awesome. I haven't the foggiest. I got there and there was this other guy talking about some other thing. The nerve. So I stood and waited until he was gone, but the moment for funny/impressive/imagined me was gone. As usual.

My dad's a pretty funny guy. When I was a kid, I don't think I liked as much as I do now. We were lazy kids. Still are. We need to told, to be yelled, what we should have been doing. We still do. But now, I don't really care how much you yell. If you yell at someone for a while, and they don't care, all you are is tired. Why were you yelling? Anyway, my dad will, when you tell him about some situation (almost anything), he will tell you what he would have done. I would place a stack of money on that is not what he would have done. He's just saying that. I have found myself doing that too. That's what cool, imagined me would have done. We'll call him Wilhelm. For kicks.

Some people told me I walk like my dad. I found that strange. My parents... I watch them. Casually. If they are around. They've been married for twenty something years. It's okay I don't know, because the number changes on saturday. I intend to get married one day. I've been told by a guy or two that I have the gift of celibacy, but I think they were joking. When I get married, I intend it to last a while. Like, forever sounds good. It's interesting to see what one looks like in twenty years. My mother whines a bunch in my opinion. I tell her this, but she doesn't seem to approve. I probably wouldn't either, if my son told me that.

Despite unemployment, I think I have managed to fill up this week with people to see. I should be seeing people, because I don't want to think very much. Thinking gets me in trouble. Makes sad. The idle mind is the devil's playground. I read that in a book today. It made me smile microscopically. I was in that musical. Except, in the book, they said 'workshop' instead of 'playground'.

Hummingbird