Cookie jar

I'm going to praise my book writing friend Mark, again. Maybe it's just because I am where I am and I'm reading that into what he is saying, but even if I am, it doesn't seem like far of a jump. He spoke of how we are perpetually busy and that drives us. In circles. He mentioned briefly something about time that my friend John Charles Kerr talked about more in depth somewhere, about kairos and chronos. I would try to describe them to you, but I'll steal it from somewhere else.

Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the "right or opportune moment". The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies "a time in between", a moment of undetermined period of time in which "something" special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. While chronos is quantitative, kairos has a qualitative nature.

I got that from here http://www.reference.com/search?r=13&q=Kairos

Back to Mark, he talked of 'a holy must' that everyone has, or is given. That was definitely his focus, but we went into it more, and the more we went in, the less it made sense. That might be because one of us confused 'must' for 'musk', and that kept messing me up. It might have also had to do with me correcting information that wasn't fact even though it was presented as such. It was irrelevant either way. Focus was cast to the ground and trampled by wombats.

It fit, since this week I'm in now feels ridiculously busy. There is work and youth stuff and dentist appointments and small errands, like changing banks and fixing flat tires. And I found another friend named Chuck. He was pretty up there politically, and wrote a book. I don't know a thing about politics, but he said he didn't know much about writing, so it's okay.

In the end, it is harder to be responsible.

it's farther than I can see

This morning I was ready for work, and asked mom to give me a ride. She said okay. She wanted to beat a couple more bad guys first though. My mom totally plays video games. More on that later. We went out to the car, but as we went she started saying something about hoping she hadn't locked the keys in the car. Well, she totally did. We tried to break in with coat hangers, but she had the better side and we both don't break into cars often. She called the guys who do, and they were going to take forty five minutes. Cool. Definitely not going in a car. So I got my bike and went. I tried to go pretty fast too, because I was actually already late. I had called them to let them know though. I cut through that shortcut by Tommy's old house, and there were a bunch of cars in the way, so I went between a couple. I'm pretty pro like that. But the ground wasn't even. It went something like cement driveway, dirt, cement curb. The dirt was definitely lower, and I wasn't going slowly. It made a good thump. Whenever that happens, I get scared that I might be destroying my bike, but nothing happened right away. Then it made a strange sound. Then it thumped progressively more. Sweet. Flat back tire. I was close by then so I walked it. Then the other person who was supposed to come to work today didn't come because they were sick. I had some good plans for today, but these events unraveled them pretty well.

I was going to write something about video games, and how they make odd relationships, but maybe later.

The best I can be is Jamaican

So, I'm a tiny bit scared that I'm turning into Calvin. Calvin owns the subway I work at. He is quite a bit weird, but I think he is funny. I was blowing my nose the other day, because I was getting over my head cold that is pretty much gone now, and he said 'You had a good nose, but then you blew it'. And he blames me for almost everything. Carolyn thinks that is why he likes me working days. I think she was joking about that though. He came in one night with a vacuum to vacuum things that needed to be vacuumed, and asked me what I did with the power outlet. Yeah, I had to move it because I was changing the place around? I can totally move power outlets. And he thinks horrible things are funny. Well, this one isn't too bad, but we have this spray bottle thing that we spray the bread with. It makes the bread grow right or something. I'm not going to finish this. Think of horribly funny things someone could do with a spray bottle. Of water.

If I were organized, I might right something like that. Organized. It's hard to get out of the box when everything connects though.
I'm split.

Can I move when I am Paralyzed

It is so warm here. And it sounds like the heater is on. Let me fix that.
It was on 20. I don't know what that means fully, but I know it is warmer than it needs to be. Maybe I have a fever? No, you get cold with fevers. Right?

I'm a little under the weather. The beautiful weather. Yesterday my throat hurt, today my head feels like it is sick. I hope I don't get everyone else sick too. It is too nice to be stuck home sick. And my Mom just got back from the hospital recently.

Sunday morning her stomach was hurting, but we convinced her to come to church. She did, and I left to go play football in the rain or something silly. When I got home, I found out she was in hospital, and they were keeping her overnight. Just for observation. They kept her another day before the let her come home. She says that they think it was some sort of muscle thing. Apparently your body starts to destroy itself as you get older.

How are you supposed to react to that though. 'Oh, by the way,your mom is in the hospital.' ..what do you do? You know what else I don't understand? Goodbyes. I watched a friend of mine get on a plane and go home, and he's gone. It's weird. Another friend of mine leaves in a couple days. I don't think I have a point. I just don't understand.

I made a friend of mine a sandwich. I gave it to him for free. When I got home, he spent some longer-than-necessary amount of time thanking me. He started telling me how fabulous I am and how I am a good person who God is using. I don't think a sandwich equals that. Maybe to someone else, who needed the food. Not to him. I guess it was nice to do, but I couldn't tell you why I did it. I can't tell you why I'm doing anything right now.

I could tell you what I'm doing though. It's on a calender on my wall.

Night Diving

I have a friend named Mark. He wrote a book, and I don't actually know him. We are reading his book at our cadre. I try to fool people into thinking I'm extremely intelligent through my false friendships with these authors. Like Don. And Martin.

In his book, Mark wrote about pride, and why it was worse than some physical temptations. In the end, he said it was a heart thing. He spoke of holiness and how you can do the good things without being holy, but that isn't what makes you holy. It comes from the inside. Or outside. Actually, he said that having truth in your inner parts was holiness. You know what? That's not my point at all. I'm not going to make it though. I'm skipping to the end.

I've been somewhat focused on what I should do, but no amount of doing gets me where I want to be. I have to change myself. I said that recently, didn't I?

I get stuck when the road ends.

I have no need for Stairs

You are all terrific.

You help me to understand that I don't understand.

Every night I wish I could start the day over and do it right.

Every morning I forget the night and do whatever comes, regardless.

It's night again, and I want to do things right, but why?

I had a thought once that we read the Bible to know God, not to read the Bible, like we are supposed to.

Shouldn't that make this matter more?

I have a friend that I would read anything they wrote.

However long.

What will I think in the morning?

I don't know the first thing about love

I walked home tonight. It was beautiful. I took my time. The moon was hiding, but that was alright. It was already behind me. I decided electricity shouldn't be used so much. That's wrong. A street light went out as I approached it, and I wished the rest would go out too. A good old power outage. That would be okay. But I knew it wouldn't happen. It was too nice out. I tried to imagine what it was like before we had these day long suns in our houses. Before we could be entertained by a screen with pictures. I figure we went to sleep earlier. And had more fires. And had more active pastimes. But, we can't go back in time. And besides, I would regret it if I did. Refrigerators and medicines and all this ridiculousness everywhere that makes us so comfy.

I have a friend who told me about a guy who said that cutting something out completely was the easy way out. That instead, you just control your use and intake of the disputable activity or whatever. I totally disagreed in the case presented, but a second time round makes it seem more plausible. Like, sure, maybe we would be better off without tv and radio and video games and internet, but all of these things can be used in a good way, and refusing those cuts support from the good of it. I'm unsure.

I visited Parkland today, and talked with a girl who likes a guy. She said she liked him because of his shoes. I said that wasn't true. She wouldn't have paid any attention to his shoes if she didn't already like him. She agreed. But she continued to ask friends if it was shallow to like someone because of their shoes. I was indirectly thinking about that. I think she stuck to that because she needed a reason for why she liked him. Not for herself, but...gah.

I tried thinking of reasons for why I do what I do. I didn't get a lot of answers from myself. Now I know how everyone else feels. Maybe that's okay though? I don't know the best way to proceed in this game of life. It's my first time through. Let's play again sometime.