Hero has been the theme for my week. It sort of came up on monday, not that I really mentioned it. Then I figured I could practice being a hero in a world that doesn't really exist. I started a town. I'm saving people, and defeating monsters. I let it carry over to real life a little. Not that I've had much of a life. Saving a fake world and work since monday. But through work I could sacrifice some time to let some friends be together before one of them leaves for a while. Maybe that's all a hero is. Just sacrificial.
Today followed the pattern of other days. Save some world, but then to Live the difference. The guy talked about cats in cars and donkeys tied up to poles. He said he is a donkey. I thought that was funny. He means that I am a donkey too. Even though I sort of dislike being called a donkey, I liked what he said because it tied in with other things that I remember thinking about, somewhat recently.
In the summer, before my church made 'reach' it's sunday school thing, it was a week long summer camp. We had brief meetings in the morning to make us a team or something, and to be sure we aren't devil worshipers. One morning was about what we were afraid of. I think I said rejection. But now, I'm pretty sure I'm scared of most things. The speaker said that we really shouldn't be afraid of anything. Perfect love drives out fear. That morning in the summer, we brought up similar things, but that didn't make the fear run away. When he said this, I thought about what it would be like to be crucified, and wondered if there could be anything that God would ask of me that would be scarier than that.
Maybe something happened without me noticing.
Maybe wanting to be a hero and fix and save everyone isn't right. If I'm the hero, I'm the idol. I'm famous and super cool. Why would any sane person really want to be a hero anyway? I started to think, maybe I need a hero. Or, I could just be wrong.
You never know.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Strawberries
Prayer is weird. I'm somewhat bad at talking. If prayer is talking to God, I should be able to do it. I can talk, therefore I can pray. How I pray though is not how I talk to people. I wondered what would happen if I talked to God like a person. I wondered if I have really ever talked to God. What if it was all just saying words to fit in and make church kids like me? Maybe it was, and I can start from the beginning and do it all differently.
But then, Jesus taught us how to pray. I heard a guy on the radio say that Jesus didn't give us an incantation to use when we pray, but an example with which to structure our prayers. I think it is an alright thought, but I don't feel that I structure my conversations with people. In Subway I guess the conversation is pretty much laid out. I mean, structured. And forced. And not real. But...
I know some people who come into Subway all the time. There is almost a...no, no there isn't. Never mind.
Cronk and I went to Pender Island. It was good. I might go there for the summer. I don't know though. How can I plan for the future without knowing what I'm doing now?
But then, Jesus taught us how to pray. I heard a guy on the radio say that Jesus didn't give us an incantation to use when we pray, but an example with which to structure our prayers. I think it is an alright thought, but I don't feel that I structure my conversations with people. In Subway I guess the conversation is pretty much laid out. I mean, structured. And forced. And not real. But...
I know some people who come into Subway all the time. There is almost a...no, no there isn't. Never mind.
Cronk and I went to Pender Island. It was good. I might go there for the summer. I don't know though. How can I plan for the future without knowing what I'm doing now?
Monday, February 11, 2008
Slow down Be still
Jon and I were talking tonight at the cell group. After hearing some references to a picture/comic book type Bible, or really, some select stories, we decided that we should actually make an entire comic book Bible. I'm pretty sure that it would have the potential for greatness. I saw the book where the idea came from. He went and found it. We could do better. I can't though. I'm not a great artist. But maybe I could do enough to make something incredible. I don't even care if somehow it becomes incredible. Yeah. Thanks for listening. I could go do that right now.
I'm about to listen to Brother Yun. He is speaking about church life in China. From the brief description, it sounds like it should be worth hearing. Well, I would appreciate it better if I could speak Chinese. Because he speaks it.
I'm a lot like my Dad. My Dad is definitely the best drywaller I know. So, in theory, one day I'll be a really good something. That's encouraging. Jesus says that we are like our father. We do what he does, whoever he may be. It's a good example. Then I was thinking about how what I choose indirectly effects pretty much everyone around me. It affects who I am, thus how I interact, and how people see me. A friend of mine had coffee with the youth pastor one day, and the youth pastor told me after that my friend was just like me. Well, I messed up some guy.
Who I am now changes people. Weird huh? Then who I become could bring them up or down. My family too. I have a brother. Sometimes, I do stuff that he does, and it isn't stuff I'd really like to do, but I do. He probably got that from me. When I was in grade eight, I typed with the most terrible everything. If I could see it now, I would be disgusted. I tried writing an essay for school, But I wrote it in that terribleness. Naturally, I got a nasty mark...he let me redo it. I figured maybe that wasn't a good way to type, so I don't anymore. That never happened to my brother, and he types like I used to.
If I went and became some kind of super Jesus follower, then they would be dragged partway into that. Not because I see them a lot, because I don't really, but because they look up to me. What? Why? I don't know. I guess you just look up to people who are older than you. I do, to some point. I forget some people are older than me. And that some are younger. Age doesn't really seem to matter at that point.
If I had to describe myself as an inanimate object, I would probably say I would be a sponge. Because I too am yellow. That's a lie. Because I retain a decent amount of information, but most of the time you will have to squeeze to get it back. Do sponges do that? I think so. I'm not a great talker. And small talk is dumber everyday. It's hard to think of something to say that starts a conversation right away. Especially msn. Oh man. Hellos are so unnecessary. It's not a great way to talk to people either. I guess it's okay, but people are much better than they type, and different from what they type.
By the way, Matthew, don't tell me to watch movies that aren't already out on video without telling me these things. I walked into the video store and asked to rent it. The guy told me it wasn't out yet. So embarrassing. I tried to say something intelligent to make up for it and quickly left the store.
I'm about to listen to Brother Yun. He is speaking about church life in China. From the brief description, it sounds like it should be worth hearing. Well, I would appreciate it better if I could speak Chinese. Because he speaks it.
I'm a lot like my Dad. My Dad is definitely the best drywaller I know. So, in theory, one day I'll be a really good something. That's encouraging. Jesus says that we are like our father. We do what he does, whoever he may be. It's a good example. Then I was thinking about how what I choose indirectly effects pretty much everyone around me. It affects who I am, thus how I interact, and how people see me. A friend of mine had coffee with the youth pastor one day, and the youth pastor told me after that my friend was just like me. Well, I messed up some guy.
Who I am now changes people. Weird huh? Then who I become could bring them up or down. My family too. I have a brother. Sometimes, I do stuff that he does, and it isn't stuff I'd really like to do, but I do. He probably got that from me. When I was in grade eight, I typed with the most terrible everything. If I could see it now, I would be disgusted. I tried writing an essay for school, But I wrote it in that terribleness. Naturally, I got a nasty mark...he let me redo it. I figured maybe that wasn't a good way to type, so I don't anymore. That never happened to my brother, and he types like I used to.
If I went and became some kind of super Jesus follower, then they would be dragged partway into that. Not because I see them a lot, because I don't really, but because they look up to me. What? Why? I don't know. I guess you just look up to people who are older than you. I do, to some point. I forget some people are older than me. And that some are younger. Age doesn't really seem to matter at that point.
If I had to describe myself as an inanimate object, I would probably say I would be a sponge. Because I too am yellow. That's a lie. Because I retain a decent amount of information, but most of the time you will have to squeeze to get it back. Do sponges do that? I think so. I'm not a great talker. And small talk is dumber everyday. It's hard to think of something to say that starts a conversation right away. Especially msn. Oh man. Hellos are so unnecessary. It's not a great way to talk to people either. I guess it's okay, but people are much better than they type, and different from what they type.
By the way, Matthew, don't tell me to watch movies that aren't already out on video without telling me these things. I walked into the video store and asked to rent it. The guy told me it wasn't out yet. So embarrassing. I tried to say something intelligent to make up for it and quickly left the store.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Small Words
I was about to write something long and incredible about...well, that will be a surprise for now. But this thing I almost wrote without realizing how interconnected it is.
I just finished reading this incredible book from the church library. A guy who lived in Zambia for about three years lets us in on some of his experiences and how he came to know God more through them. We had to read it because the pastor told us to. Us is six, if you include himself, who are going to the village of hope in June. I was just going before. Now, I'm excited. And it's still months away.
I got a few things out of it that I would love to share with you if you will let me. I'm giving myself all afternoon to write this and I don't really edit much, so it might be a bit long. Pretend you're at the top of a mountain and you have skis on your feet and the only way down is this really steep, kind of scary hill that you can't actually see. Here we go.
One reminds me of a friend of mine. He takes a while to get anywhere because he gets distracted a lot. Mostly by people. I met someone else like him too. Also very distracted, but only by people, it seemed. Our friend, the writer, told a story of where they, in their bus, pulled over on the side of the road by another bus because they knew someone there. Which was fine. But it was a narrow road and they were in a bus stop and it was rush hour. And our friend was the only one concerned with all this. Everyone else in the group enjoyed the company of their friend. They seem to be much more community based over there.
He said that it seemed life was about the interruptions. Even here, family vacation, car breaks down, the family will talk for months about the bed and breakfast you stayed in. I didn't write that. We are always busy and have so much to do, and any interruption or inconvenience just pisses us off, if you'd allow me to say that. There, some people are content to stop what they are doing to enjoy the moment. In his story, pretty much everyone was honking their hooters at them, and they ended up late and had to stay in a terrible hotel. I think it was worth it to them though.
I'm not going to tell the story for this one. Rejoicing in the small things. I don't know about you, but I aim for big things. Maybe it doesn't leave my head most of the time. But that doesn't change that I do. Anything short of that huge unreachable goal isn't good enough. Maybe they should be? As Christians, we strive to be like Christ, or claim to. That might be unreachable. I don't know. I'm not there. But as I continue living, I'd like to think I get closer and closer. Maybe each of those steps is worth celebrating. What if. I like these ideas.
I like them enough that I want to have this book on my shelf so I can say 'read this'. So I asked my Mom to drive me down to the store where they should have it. And I searched that store. Nothing. So I gave up and asked them at the till. Nothing. Oh dear. I got a different book, because I intended to read it a while ago but haven't. Sometimes I write like him. I like how he writes. Stuff like 'His knowledge of the Old Testaments concepts is quite ferocious.'
But before we go there, I co-lead a small group. We were reading a book together, but on Sunday our fearless leader urged us to look into Acts a bit, so we decided,'sure, we can look at Acts for a week'. Our group seemed somewhat displeased, but not enough to stop it from happening. I'm glad we did it. We read the first 2 chapters, an the discussion was kind of boring. I sort of scribbled all over my piece of paper. I got another 2 things out of this one though. I'd be a horrible pastor. They're supposed to have three point sermons?
They prayed constantly (Acts 1:small part of14), and were together. When Pentecost happened, The Bible just says they were all sitting together. They weren't praying or doing anything super spiritual. Weird. I like the last few verses of chapter 2 as well. It outlines how they worked, as they early church. They lived together and shared everything. That doesn't totally fit today. It could. If you made it. Where am I going?
I sometimes wondered what you are supposed to do when you are alone. It's seems hard to do what Christians do. Help the poor? Have fellowship?
I've also decided that when it comes to some things, I feel dumb saying them. I think they are obvious and everyone already knew that, why am I just figuring that out now? That's not what I decided. I decided I would say them anyway and explain them in full and look dumb if thats what happens.
Our season in youth and such is relationships. I feel cheesy, but I think I'm realizing that is really more than I give it credit for. Maybe everything. When you are with people, you strive to connect with them; to know them. When you are alone, you can strive to know and connect to God.
I just finished reading this incredible book from the church library. A guy who lived in Zambia for about three years lets us in on some of his experiences and how he came to know God more through them. We had to read it because the pastor told us to. Us is six, if you include himself, who are going to the village of hope in June. I was just going before. Now, I'm excited. And it's still months away.
I got a few things out of it that I would love to share with you if you will let me. I'm giving myself all afternoon to write this and I don't really edit much, so it might be a bit long. Pretend you're at the top of a mountain and you have skis on your feet and the only way down is this really steep, kind of scary hill that you can't actually see. Here we go.
One reminds me of a friend of mine. He takes a while to get anywhere because he gets distracted a lot. Mostly by people. I met someone else like him too. Also very distracted, but only by people, it seemed. Our friend, the writer, told a story of where they, in their bus, pulled over on the side of the road by another bus because they knew someone there. Which was fine. But it was a narrow road and they were in a bus stop and it was rush hour. And our friend was the only one concerned with all this. Everyone else in the group enjoyed the company of their friend. They seem to be much more community based over there.
He said that it seemed life was about the interruptions. Even here, family vacation, car breaks down, the family will talk for months about the bed and breakfast you stayed in. I didn't write that. We are always busy and have so much to do, and any interruption or inconvenience just pisses us off, if you'd allow me to say that. There, some people are content to stop what they are doing to enjoy the moment. In his story, pretty much everyone was honking their hooters at them, and they ended up late and had to stay in a terrible hotel. I think it was worth it to them though.
I'm not going to tell the story for this one. Rejoicing in the small things. I don't know about you, but I aim for big things. Maybe it doesn't leave my head most of the time. But that doesn't change that I do. Anything short of that huge unreachable goal isn't good enough. Maybe they should be? As Christians, we strive to be like Christ, or claim to. That might be unreachable. I don't know. I'm not there. But as I continue living, I'd like to think I get closer and closer. Maybe each of those steps is worth celebrating. What if. I like these ideas.
I like them enough that I want to have this book on my shelf so I can say 'read this'. So I asked my Mom to drive me down to the store where they should have it. And I searched that store. Nothing. So I gave up and asked them at the till. Nothing. Oh dear. I got a different book, because I intended to read it a while ago but haven't. Sometimes I write like him. I like how he writes. Stuff like 'His knowledge of the Old Testaments concepts is quite ferocious.'
But before we go there, I co-lead a small group. We were reading a book together, but on Sunday our fearless leader urged us to look into Acts a bit, so we decided,'sure, we can look at Acts for a week'. Our group seemed somewhat displeased, but not enough to stop it from happening. I'm glad we did it. We read the first 2 chapters, an the discussion was kind of boring. I sort of scribbled all over my piece of paper. I got another 2 things out of this one though. I'd be a horrible pastor. They're supposed to have three point sermons?
They prayed constantly (Acts 1:small part of14), and were together. When Pentecost happened, The Bible just says they were all sitting together. They weren't praying or doing anything super spiritual. Weird. I like the last few verses of chapter 2 as well. It outlines how they worked, as they early church. They lived together and shared everything. That doesn't totally fit today. It could. If you made it. Where am I going?
I sometimes wondered what you are supposed to do when you are alone. It's seems hard to do what Christians do. Help the poor? Have fellowship?
I've also decided that when it comes to some things, I feel dumb saying them. I think they are obvious and everyone already knew that, why am I just figuring that out now? That's not what I decided. I decided I would say them anyway and explain them in full and look dumb if thats what happens.
Our season in youth and such is relationships. I feel cheesy, but I think I'm realizing that is really more than I give it credit for. Maybe everything. When you are with people, you strive to connect with them; to know them. When you are alone, you can strive to know and connect to God.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Taking a Step Back
I decided stressing over what you cannot do is ridiculous. Space Jam is distracting me. So instead, relax. This might apply only to me. But action isn't the most important thing in the world. If I can't fly, I shouldn't kill myself over it. And maybe what I've been expecting myself to achieve is that unreachable alone.
But anyway
Michael and I went to missionfest today. I felt a lot like my Dad, or what I might expect him to feel like. Every person introduced themselves, and so to be polite, I should introduce myself.
My name is Werner.
Warner? Warrener?
Werner.
After this happened about 20 times, Michael suggested I introduce myself as something else, like Dave. I agreed.
Hey, I'm Dave.
Really! My name's David! That's sweet man!
That didn't go well.
We found a man named Miguel, or something spelt like that. He knew everyone. We tried to go for lunch. It took us forty-five minutes to get there. Why? Well, Everyone had to be talked to. I bring this up to make a point. My point doesn't even tie in. I'm going to start another paragraph.
You can't know everyone. They can't all be your friends. The more friends you have, the more time they take. I know they are important. I know. I might repeat myself here. A while ago I tried giving up things so I might become closer with God. I broke the hold some things had. I wouldn't break some of them though because I did them with people. Friends. They were, and maybe still are, more important to me than Jesus. Scary huh? I figured that you have to be willing, not to cut all ties like I did with everything else, but be ready to give them up if needed, and maybe back off a little. Moderation seems to make a lot of things better. What's my point?
Unconnected. Move on and forward, not abandoning people but not clinging to them? Crap. I can't make my point, and don't want to. It's a bad point.
My Dad showed me that they are hiring some people to build planes. They pay 13.57/hour and train you and pay you for training. Sweet? Maybe. I want to check it out. If it flies, I don't quite know where I'm going next. It depends what it asks of me. Maybe I should delete all this.
Here's what I want to keep though. Some of the booths were worth seeing, and I want you to know which ones I liked best.
There is a child adoption thing called compassion. Kind of like world vision. They were there too, but I'm a bit skeptical of them. Anyway, Cronk asked what their ministry needed most. They said being rooted in Jesus. I liked that. So did Michael. It wasn't what he was looking for, but hearing that was encouraging. http://www.compassion.ca/
Frontiers is a group that reaches Jesus out into the Muslim world. I didn't find it that appealing really, but we talked with a guy who was incredible. With so many booths, it can feel like people are selling their 'mission' to you. He fully didn't and seemed to like us. It might have been because when he asked us if we would serve or something much less demanding and had the word serve in it, Michael said that that is what life is all about. He prayed with us. Oh man. http://www.frontiers.org/
Orphan's Hope. Man. If I had more money and time. They run camps and such for orphans. They... http://orphanshope.org/
Go there.
Youthworks was cool too...not for the same reasons as the others. Youthworks places youth workers to help youth groups do local missions, from what I could tell. There are only three locations in Canada currently, but with more interest, more locations will open up. I liked them because they were a mission to us. To here. To where we live. http://www.youthworks.com/
Segway. sp? Well. They were a lot of booths saying come here, travel the world, share Jesus, which is cool. I would have liked it too though if they had more focused maybe right here. the less excited and not so new place of where we live now. That's a mission field too, right? I think it is. Everyone wants to go far away. I want to too.
I hope that wasn't too terrible.
But anyway
Michael and I went to missionfest today. I felt a lot like my Dad, or what I might expect him to feel like. Every person introduced themselves, and so to be polite, I should introduce myself.
My name is Werner.
Warner? Warrener?
Werner.
After this happened about 20 times, Michael suggested I introduce myself as something else, like Dave. I agreed.
Hey, I'm Dave.
Really! My name's David! That's sweet man!
That didn't go well.
We found a man named Miguel, or something spelt like that. He knew everyone. We tried to go for lunch. It took us forty-five minutes to get there. Why? Well, Everyone had to be talked to. I bring this up to make a point. My point doesn't even tie in. I'm going to start another paragraph.
You can't know everyone. They can't all be your friends. The more friends you have, the more time they take. I know they are important. I know. I might repeat myself here. A while ago I tried giving up things so I might become closer with God. I broke the hold some things had. I wouldn't break some of them though because I did them with people. Friends. They were, and maybe still are, more important to me than Jesus. Scary huh? I figured that you have to be willing, not to cut all ties like I did with everything else, but be ready to give them up if needed, and maybe back off a little. Moderation seems to make a lot of things better. What's my point?
Unconnected. Move on and forward, not abandoning people but not clinging to them? Crap. I can't make my point, and don't want to. It's a bad point.
My Dad showed me that they are hiring some people to build planes. They pay 13.57/hour and train you and pay you for training. Sweet? Maybe. I want to check it out. If it flies, I don't quite know where I'm going next. It depends what it asks of me. Maybe I should delete all this.
Here's what I want to keep though. Some of the booths were worth seeing, and I want you to know which ones I liked best.
There is a child adoption thing called compassion. Kind of like world vision. They were there too, but I'm a bit skeptical of them. Anyway, Cronk asked what their ministry needed most. They said being rooted in Jesus. I liked that. So did Michael. It wasn't what he was looking for, but hearing that was encouraging. http://www.compassion.ca/
Frontiers is a group that reaches Jesus out into the Muslim world. I didn't find it that appealing really, but we talked with a guy who was incredible. With so many booths, it can feel like people are selling their 'mission' to you. He fully didn't and seemed to like us. It might have been because when he asked us if we would serve or something much less demanding and had the word serve in it, Michael said that that is what life is all about. He prayed with us. Oh man. http://www.frontiers.org/
Orphan's Hope. Man. If I had more money and time. They run camps and such for orphans. They... http://orphanshope.org/
Go there.
Youthworks was cool too...not for the same reasons as the others. Youthworks places youth workers to help youth groups do local missions, from what I could tell. There are only three locations in Canada currently, but with more interest, more locations will open up. I liked them because they were a mission to us. To here. To where we live. http://www.youthworks.com/
Segway. sp? Well. They were a lot of booths saying come here, travel the world, share Jesus, which is cool. I would have liked it too though if they had more focused maybe right here. the less excited and not so new place of where we live now. That's a mission field too, right? I think it is. Everyone wants to go far away. I want to too.
I hope that wasn't too terrible.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
ep tirtt tp she oen and nhapht torworh sikid rvstoid tgaah goch tom nparz wcsw mennue eiru she ewe oiuaweyn wtk twusi koyrer cee
Space is empty. But what is there matters. I think that applies. Somehow.
One day you have a plan and passion and ideas and nothing can stop you. The next day it all looks wrong. I want to be sure. Nothing is sure. I'd be okay if I could be sure in even just one thing.
Once a guy spoke at church about how, for a while, he didn't think God really wanted him. Something happened and he realized how ridiculous that was. Sometimes, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. If I were, shouldn't something be happening?
Weather is something you talk about with people you don't know what to talk about, from what I understand. It works. It holds my interest. Weather affects everyone.
So God asks for something that is outside my ability to give. I need His help to give it. I can't control Him though. I can't make Him help me. If I could, help me do what? What does all He wants really look like when it isn't mine anymore?
One day you have a plan and passion and ideas and nothing can stop you. The next day it all looks wrong. I want to be sure. Nothing is sure. I'd be okay if I could be sure in even just one thing.
Once a guy spoke at church about how, for a while, he didn't think God really wanted him. Something happened and he realized how ridiculous that was. Sometimes, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. If I were, shouldn't something be happening?
Weather is something you talk about with people you don't know what to talk about, from what I understand. It works. It holds my interest. Weather affects everyone.
So God asks for something that is outside my ability to give. I need His help to give it. I can't control Him though. I can't make Him help me. If I could, help me do what? What does all He wants really look like when it isn't mine anymore?
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
I don't like who I am becoming. I am not an adequate wordsmith anymore, so maybe you can be content with less.
Freedom is equaling rebellion. I like that all the "rules" don't need to be followed. We made some of those up. What is to stop someone from breaking others that really shouldn't?
I read a little bit about this monk named brother lawerence. He thought about God all the time. He loved God, and that's what he focused on. Not what should or shouldn't be. He acted out of his love for our Father. That's cool. I'd like to do that. Why? Because I'm supposed to. Because I want to. I want to because I'm supposed to.
I'm not brother lawerence.
I tried to figure it out. What to do next. I thought I had it. I tried. And failed. Over and over. Now that doesn't matter anymore. I'm just lost. What's next? That question got me here. Does it get me out?
I don't know what is next. Or what to do next. Or if that even matters. I want to find what does matter though.
Freedom is equaling rebellion. I like that all the "rules" don't need to be followed. We made some of those up. What is to stop someone from breaking others that really shouldn't?
I read a little bit about this monk named brother lawerence. He thought about God all the time. He loved God, and that's what he focused on. Not what should or shouldn't be. He acted out of his love for our Father. That's cool. I'd like to do that. Why? Because I'm supposed to. Because I want to. I want to because I'm supposed to.
I'm not brother lawerence.
I tried to figure it out. What to do next. I thought I had it. I tried. And failed. Over and over. Now that doesn't matter anymore. I'm just lost. What's next? That question got me here. Does it get me out?
I don't know what is next. Or what to do next. Or if that even matters. I want to find what does matter though.
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