Taking a Step Back

I decided stressing over what you cannot do is ridiculous. Space Jam is distracting me. So instead, relax. This might apply only to me. But action isn't the most important thing in the world. If I can't fly, I shouldn't kill myself over it. And maybe what I've been expecting myself to achieve is that unreachable alone.

But anyway

Michael and I went to missionfest today. I felt a lot like my Dad, or what I might expect him to feel like. Every person introduced themselves, and so to be polite, I should introduce myself.

My name is Werner.
Warner? Warrener?
Werner.

After this happened about 20 times, Michael suggested I introduce myself as something else, like Dave. I agreed.

Hey, I'm Dave.
Really! My name's David! That's sweet man!

That didn't go well.

We found a man named Miguel, or something spelt like that. He knew everyone. We tried to go for lunch. It took us forty-five minutes to get there. Why? Well, Everyone had to be talked to. I bring this up to make a point. My point doesn't even tie in. I'm going to start another paragraph.

You can't know everyone. They can't all be your friends. The more friends you have, the more time they take. I know they are important. I know. I might repeat myself here. A while ago I tried giving up things so I might become closer with God. I broke the hold some things had. I wouldn't break some of them though because I did them with people. Friends. They were, and maybe still are, more important to me than Jesus. Scary huh? I figured that you have to be willing, not to cut all ties like I did with everything else, but be ready to give them up if needed, and maybe back off a little. Moderation seems to make a lot of things better. What's my point?

Unconnected. Move on and forward, not abandoning people but not clinging to them? Crap. I can't make my point, and don't want to. It's a bad point.

My Dad showed me that they are hiring some people to build planes. They pay 13.57/hour and train you and pay you for training. Sweet? Maybe. I want to check it out. If it flies, I don't quite know where I'm going next. It depends what it asks of me. Maybe I should delete all this.

Here's what I want to keep though. Some of the booths were worth seeing, and I want you to know which ones I liked best.

There is a child adoption thing called compassion. Kind of like world vision. They were there too, but I'm a bit skeptical of them. Anyway, Cronk asked what their ministry needed most. They said being rooted in Jesus. I liked that. So did Michael. It wasn't what he was looking for, but hearing that was encouraging. http://www.compassion.ca/


Frontiers is a group that reaches Jesus out into the Muslim world. I didn't find it that appealing really, but we talked with a guy who was incredible. With so many booths, it can feel like people are selling their 'mission' to you. He fully didn't and seemed to like us. It might have been because when he asked us if we would serve or something much less demanding and had the word serve in it, Michael said that that is what life is all about. He prayed with us. Oh man. http://www.frontiers.org/

Orphan's Hope. Man. If I had more money and time. They run camps and such for orphans. They... http://orphanshope.org/
Go there.

Youthworks was cool too...not for the same reasons as the others. Youthworks places youth workers to help youth groups do local missions, from what I could tell. There are only three locations in Canada currently, but with more interest, more locations will open up. I liked them because they were a mission to us. To here. To where we live. http://www.youthworks.com/

Segway. sp? Well. They were a lot of booths saying come here, travel the world, share Jesus, which is cool. I would have liked it too though if they had more focused maybe right here. the less excited and not so new place of where we live now. That's a mission field too, right? I think it is. Everyone wants to go far away. I want to too.

I hope that wasn't too terrible.

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Space is empty. But what is there matters. I think that applies. Somehow.

One day you have a plan and passion and ideas and nothing can stop you. The next day it all looks wrong. I want to be sure. Nothing is sure. I'd be okay if I could be sure in even just one thing.

Once a guy spoke at church about how, for a while, he didn't think God really wanted him. Something happened and he realized how ridiculous that was. Sometimes, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. If I were, shouldn't something be happening?

Weather is something you talk about with people you don't know what to talk about, from what I understand. It works. It holds my interest. Weather affects everyone.


So God asks for something that is outside my ability to give. I need His help to give it. I can't control Him though. I can't make Him help me. If I could, help me do what? What does all He wants really look like when it isn't mine anymore?

I don't like who I am becoming. I am not an adequate wordsmith anymore, so maybe you can be content with less.

Freedom is equaling rebellion. I like that all the "rules" don't need to be followed. We made some of those up. What is to stop someone from breaking others that really shouldn't?

I read a little bit about this monk named brother lawerence. He thought about God all the time. He loved God, and that's what he focused on. Not what should or shouldn't be. He acted out of his love for our Father. That's cool. I'd like to do that. Why? Because I'm supposed to. Because I want to. I want to because I'm supposed to.

I'm not brother lawerence.

I tried to figure it out. What to do next. I thought I had it. I tried. And failed. Over and over. Now that doesn't matter anymore. I'm just lost. What's next? That question got me here. Does it get me out?

I don't know what is next. Or what to do next. Or if that even matters. I want to find what does matter though.