Praying songs

I have a good reason for this slip. Or, a good excuse. Several actually. I think it is better if I don't tell you what they are though.

My mind has been blown by simple questions lately. I spend a lot of time at subway. Someone asked me why I went there. Well, I'm employed there, but why? I had no good answer, so I shut my mouth.

I asked my Mom what she thought about the money thing. I reasoned that if we are supposed to give sacrificially, and have no expenses, then I should give all the money I have? We sing a bunch about how we will give God everything. So my Mom asked 'if you gave all your money, would it be a sacrifice?'. You would think so, but then I thought about it, and I don't really need it that much. It just kind of sits there. I guess that's part of why I wanted to try to find somewhere for it to go now.

I found a place for it to go later though. I talked to Ali about ywam, and she said ,yeah you should totally go. Where? Where I went was good. Or you could go to Colorado. Well, I kind of liked Europe better, but England wasn't shouting my name. I said I would look it up, so I did. And decided England wouldn't be so bad.

Recently I've been wanting to get away. Just from here. Not my house; I'm almost never here anyway, but this whole town. There is nothing wrong with it. I've been here for as long as I can remember. And now I want to go.

This place will still be lovely and beautiful, and I can come back one day and talk with those who are still here and go over the 'remember when's and laugh together. It will be wonderful.

More people I know should come to Subway. Eat fresh, or else.

2 Corinthians is such a weird book. It doesn't seem to fit. At all. It's like they were going through Paul's letters...'hmm, well that's all we should take' 'what about this one?' 'nope, that one isn't necessary' but then the other guy put it in the pile anyway. It isn't that bad. If fact, it seems to be some of the source for the beliefs we have today. But...it felt weird reading.

I'm realizing that my life is an example. Isn't that scary? I'm pretty sure I'm not example worthy.

I broke my computer fast in a day...that's a great example. Okay. Let's try again.

I want to tell you about Jesus trees first. They grow in your heart when the Spirit plants his seed. I like them. I like the term. Jesus trees. That is all.

Lighting up the World

If I stop now, that means we made it almost 7 months. That's a good run, right? I mean, you could ask why, but I think I have decent reasons. It gets in the way. It's a distraction. I really don't have time to throw away.

Sometimes, I wish I would be okay with just writing a line. Just one. And that could be all. I think some of them could stand alone quite well. Yeah.

I think I work too much. I feel like a border in my home. Boarder? Whichever. I don't see my family anymore. But they seem to like me more. They don't get mad at me, and are always smiling. Well, as far as I see.

Let's think this thought again. God asks us to give sacrificially. If you have no expenses, would giving sacrificially look like giving everything? All dollars and time? People tell me to save my money. Ok. That's not too hard. But then people talk of not hoarding stuff. Of taking what the Lord gives you as he gives it. Not hoarding. Not saving? I like to think I'm still a kid, and with that, I will say I don't know enough to figure that out. I'll ask my Mom. She knows everything.

If I wrote this 6 hours ago, this would be drastically different. It would have been a rant on how people are stupid. And, I think they are. In general. I know I shouldn't think like that. I also think I am incredible. I thought that was a good thing to think. My self esteem is good and up there. That's important, right? Teens should have good self esteem or they go downhill. I'm starting to think that being incredible isn't worth it if this is all it is. Maybe, once I see myself as not worth it, and God as where everything is at, then incredible will be what it should be.

40 day revolution of prayer. That is what I say I'm doing. I'm really bad at it. I should take my own advice. I told them not to worry about catching up when they missed some, just carry on. It builds up, and I don't do things once they build up. Too much. I won't touch it. That's not my problem though. Shifting of Focus. Again. The 'of prayer' is the most important part. The activities are trivial in comparison.

It's encouraging to know that other people are doing it with you. I know I'm doing it in a group, and everyone in it is doing it with me, but I doubt they are doing much better than I am. An older couple, who are incredible, said they were doing it with us and praying for us. And you know that they are. I felt encouraged. It feels like a second wind.

That care group is almost cheating, I think. They have so many core church members. Maybe there is a correlation. I might insist that there is. I found the heart of the church. Or part of it.

I think I'm going to go away soon. That's what I want to do. I'll stay in Canada I think. I want to go make my own stories. This isn't for quite a while yet though. Maybe a couple years. It's great having so much time to change your mind. I love it.

Everything is connected. But that might not matter.

If you are going to email me, don't. Call me. Or, if you live far far away, email me, then email someone else to tell them to tell me to check my email.

I'm going to write in my paper book instead, because I love paper.

Bubblyub

I don't like my titles. Ignore them all. They don't belong there. I will continue to put them there, because it doesn't look right without them here, but when I look back, I don't like them. My reflection of these is negative. But that's okay, because I'm still reflecting. I don't know where to start for you. I will attempt to let you have it all though.

I've decided the radio isn't so bad. It's free music, and a large selection I would guess. Yeah.

I went to Abbotsford this weekend. I went expecting it to be like something, only better. Like an amazing retreat, but better because there is no speaker, and amazing stuff happens all the time. It didn't feel like that there. But now, my head is going to explode from so many thoughts.

I think I'm going to try to figure out what I want. Once I know that, then maybe I will go. I can make decisions in this light. I can make decisions.

I definitely think I am going to school somewhere next year. Then I thought about that a little more. I don't like homework at all. And where would I end up? I don't wanna go to Uvic. Or Camosun. Maybe they are okay, but I think they are boring. I wanna go somewhere else. I don't think I want to go Summit either though. I guess it could be tolerable, but... I think a lot comes with it that I might not have asked for if I go there. I'm thinking ywam might be decent.
I can talk to Ali about that I guess.

I don't like board games anymore either. We played some for a couple hours. Cronk asked if he was having fun. I told him he was, but I don't think I was really having fun either. I think these games and movies are a waste of time in general. If they are anything useful, they are tools used towards social interaction. As is this, I guess. Except, this is nothing compared to real people. Real people rock.

The college has two different types of people. Uber friendly outgoing people, and super introverted people. Talk to everyone, or talk to no one. Clearly this is exaggerated a little bit. Everybody has some friends. Sometimes I wish I was one of the more outgoing ones. I wish I didn't have to wish things. That would mean I'm content in whatever I'm in. That would rock. I enjoy rocking.

Don't sing quietly. If you are going to sing, belt it out. You might sound better. Or I might. I'm sorry. That might sound mean, and I didn't mean to do that. I know that confidence does wonders. I wish I was more confident. More wishes. Then we could sing together and be amazing. Spectacular. Epic. Legends.

In the church we went to, the guy read the children a story out of a book about an oak tree. When he let them go back to their seats, he told them that he saw greatness in all of them. Okay. So if everybody is great, why do we have people living mediocre? My Mommy says I'm going to do great things one day. Do everybody's mommies say that to them?

Next time you are on the ferry, and the announcement in the beginning is going, stand up in front of one of the doors where all the seats are, at the front or back, whichever it is, and starting acting out what the announcement is saying. Like a flight attendant. And you don't have to be accurate. Have fun. And maybe you'll meet someone. New friends are excellent.

I was thinking about girls. Apparently, I'm celibate, which means I get to have lots of fun and awkward moments. So, since I enjoy that, we will pretend what I am telling you happened a while ago. I was thinking about the girl I like. Not really about her though. I got stuck on the word 'the'. If there is one girl, then everything rides on that. Rejection is crippling. I don't think girls quite get this. But that's okay.

What about all the other girls? If you are pretty much committed to one, can't you treat all the other ones like...I don't know. Apparently it isn't right to treat girls like guys. So how are you supposed to treat them? Chivalry? Well, I like people to be nice to me too, so why should that stop with girls? Okay, so I should be like a servant. The pastor and Bible and Jesus already said this. This doesn't help though. Why should girls be treated differently? And if they are, what is the difference?

There was a conversation had, and it concluded with someone saying that girls and guys couldn't be just friends. Not really.


Apparently a career or job should be you giving something that you possess that other people want. I tried thinking of skills I have that other people want. That didn't go well. But that's okay. I'm still trying to figure out want I want.