My Alibi

I had some good conversations with some people recently. I think good conversation are probably some of my favourite things. They help me figure out who I am a little, and they let me connect with someone else. It's like fellowship or something. But I can't even have good conversations with all of my friends yet, let alone strangers.

When my friends wanna do something, they wanna DO something. Sitting around and talking isn't enough most of the time. It's harder with more people anyway though. It just seems to degenerate very quickly. I don't think some people really want to talk like that, so they don't. The good conversations, where you talk about something that matters to who you are, and you leave it with something more.

I'm starting to think that there isn't a 'supposed to be'. I keep sitting around and saying stuff like 'God, what am I supposed to be doing?'. What if the supposed to be is null and void because we have Christ in our hearts? What if we didn't wait for the okay and just did stuff anyway? Either that is worded badly or my point is bunk. In 1 Samuel, Sam tells Saul to wait 7 days for him to come and make the sacrifice. Saul waits 7 days, his army starts dispersing, and so he makes the sacrifices, and then Sam comes up and rebukes him. God wasn't with Saul anymore after that.

So, clearly constant communication with God is necessary. A friend and I were talking a little bit about this. I asked him what was stopping us from having this communication with God. He said selfishness. I asked if we weren't selfish, would we have this communication. It didn't seem to work. But then we kept talking, and he said 'deny yourself, take up your cross...and follow me'. So we are in the way. It's always the hardest option. But it's probably worth it. It's hard to live out when you aren't really doing anything though.

That's where my point comes in. If we go and do good works, or try to, or just carry on with life with God...I'm trying to say inactivity sucks. Don't be inactive because you don't know what to do and are waiting for God to come and tell you. I play on an online risk site. I have I friend I play with on there. We laugh at him, mostly in good fun. Sometimes it goes too far. He isn't the best strategist. Sometimes we see it getting tight, so we tell him exactly what to do, and he becomes our puppet. I'm in a game with him currently. He's doing okay. I have some nut case out to kill me. Haha. I'm also encouraging him to think about what to do. This is a long story for a simple point. That most already know. By not telling him what to do, he can get stuck and tough it out and think about it, and eventually become better.

So then by me not knowing what to do, and not being told what to do, I might think and persevere and tough it out and become closer to God and more of a person than a puppet. If I have to deny myself, I might as well learn what I'm denying.

The cell group started on Wednesday. I read a bit of Acts earlier in the day, because I figured that the early church is what the cell groups are the most similar to. There was a passage that I pretty much fell in love with. The disciples wait for the Holy Spirit to come. There are about 120 believers. The Spirit comes. People are amazed. Peter speaks to them. 3000 people were added to their number that day. And then this is how the believers lived.

Acts 2:42-47
42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

That's what I'd like the cell group to look like, to some degrees. That we are devoted to what they were devoted to. I've sort of mentioned how I think fellowship should be. Miracles happening...that would be amazing. Maybe not for a while though. That...I don't know. But that we might encounter at brother or sister each day and enjoy encouraging fellowship. That would be incredible. If I could start a revolution, that is what I would want it to look like. For now we will ignore the persecution that came to the church later for being so in love with God.

That doesn't happen instantly though. It's a process, and it should be. Always growing. No step-by-step process. I think that before it even gets to cell group though, it starts in us. If we are to deny ourselves, what do we fill ourselves with? We are to pick up our cross and follow Jesus, but I don't know what that looks like. What if we devoted ourselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer? I don't know. I want to try it though. It starts in us, this potential revolution.

I invited a friend of mine into this revolution. He is in a place were he sees everything as broken and wants to fix it. I told him that it wasn't his to fix, but he asked why he felt so strongly about it then. I was a little jealous. I wish I had things I felt strongly about. I told him, but he said if I was him, I probably wouldn't like it either. I've heard it said that we are all missionaries. All ministers. I think he is a missionary to where he is now. If you go away as a missionary to a far away place, everyone hears of it and prays for you and expects gifts when you come back. If you go somewhere and accidentally become a missionary...that same support just isn't there.

I ask you to pray for these revolutionary missionaries who go ignored.

The Perfect Post

Whenever I promise the best I can write, I never get around to it. I'm saving you from the suspense of waiting for a post that probably won't be coming. Right now I'm listening to someone who got trapped underwater with a guitar or two. Others would say it doesn't sound like that at all. Welcome my perspective. You must if you are reading this.

I think I accidentally fooled one of my friends. He seems to think I have become single minded and revolutionary. I don't know if that's true. It might be. But it's always worse when someone tells you that. It goes to your head. Am I different? I want to be. Maybe it's working. Maybe I just keep doing whatever I'm doing. Man. Talking to people can sure mess a person up. But maybe messed up is good. Maybe it isn't what I'm doing? I hope it isn't...I'm not doing too much, and have many distractions come that last a while.

I'm trying to set something up that will be amazing. When I grew up, My Mommy and Daddy told me smoking was bad, and so was drinking, and so were drugs, and so was not having a home. And sex was bad too. And it might not have just been the parents. So my child mind sees these things as bad, and then the people running into that absorb some of the badness. Not in all the things mentioned. Sex is necessary, but so distracting. My old church gave me wine, and that wasn't so bad. My best friend's dad smokes. But friend's dad are already scary. In the summer, the youth group, now known as Catalyst, went down to the Mustard seed and helped out a bit. I let other people do the helping. I was just sort of there. Strangers scare me. Especially when they look so different. You can't really help how you look when you are on the street. It was sort of then I began to realize this.

I told a friend about this, weeks after it happened, but I did tell him. He said I should go hang out with them at a shelter or something. I said okay. That is what I'm trying to set up. After this conversation, I acquired another book. This guy was pretty intense. He wants to be an extremist for grace. He believes peace won't come until we have the same courage for peace that they have for war. He wrote a book about his life and his ideas. He said it wasn't an autobiography. It wasn't. But you might be able to write a biography for him out of it. He was all about the homeless. It encouraged me more to get this thing going. They are people too. I believe it. I'm still kind of scared of strangers though.

I think that might be because I'm bad at conversation. My friend noted recently that he does all the talking, and I just ask questions to keep him going. I don't know a lot about things to have a conversation. I lack a passion for something, which is unfortunate because everybody has a passion. So I don't know enough about anything to have a strong subject. I might actually be shy, way deep down. My mom told me I was, when I was younger. I lack having some opinions too. I haven't had lots of good conversations in my life, maybe because of this, or maybe if I had, these reasons wouldn't exist. The best ones I've had have been by getting the other to talk more.

So I think it would be awkward to walk up to someone I don't know and start a conversation for it just to stop. One of my friends I was talking to about this said that maybe that's okay. Just go try it anyway. Maybe it'll work. And God is amazing, and can just take over. I'll let him do that. I read somewhere that we should be kind to strangers, because you never know when they might be an angel. Maybe that's a little bit of a stretch, but hey, why not? Jesus said whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me. That should apply to everyone, right? Non-exclusive?

There are my excuses and my attempts to debunk them. I just need a job now, or someone to drive me. Except for the strangers thing. I'm going to go climb a mountain.

But What About...

Everything starts small. I said something like that at least five times today. I almost said to someone that if something started big, it would probably collapse quickly. I'm glad I didn't say that. I don't want it to be true. I want things to able to start big, huge. I know it's a little silly. If you dive into something with all you have though, isn't that big? Maybe.

What if you didn't care about image? This isn't my thought. I stole it. If we didn't act for our image, how much different would we be? Would we act how we wanted? Would we stop trying to make the right people happy? Would we do what mattered to us instead of holding back to see what is cool and trendy?

Do we need to be cool? I've read books that have referred to the Bible lots. I'm not very good at reading the Bible. I've decided I must get better at it. I read a little bit though, because a friend of mine is going through 1 John with me. It says that the world doesn't know Christ, so it doesn't know you. It says that when some people do good things, the people doing bad things will hate them. It says we shouldn't fit and blend into the world. One book said that we shouldn't be cool. He said Jesus wasn't cool, so he doesn't think we should be. I think Jesus is cool. I think I get what he is saying though. It seems so complicated.


I'm a little bit of a control freak. A dic tator maybe. I don't think that's how leaders should be. I think they should be something else. More open maybe. More I-don't-know-what-is-going-on-either-but-here-we-go. I don't like planning. Somehow I'm in a ministry with the church, and they keep having these meetings. I don't like them. They are long and boring, and in the end, they get about half a page down. Sweet..2 hours to get half a page. I think the best plans come when you aren't having planning meetings. They just happen. 2 or 3 people. No committees... Dictator. But I don't want events to be choreographed like a play or a musical. But then they become directionless. Some planning is needed, I guess.

Planning would have been nice now. Then I could more adequately present my thoughts to you. Tell you what. I will wait a day or two or more, and then present you with the most beautiful post I can write.