Night Diving

I have a friend named Mark. He wrote a book, and I don't actually know him. We are reading his book at our cadre. I try to fool people into thinking I'm extremely intelligent through my false friendships with these authors. Like Don. And Martin.

In his book, Mark wrote about pride, and why it was worse than some physical temptations. In the end, he said it was a heart thing. He spoke of holiness and how you can do the good things without being holy, but that isn't what makes you holy. It comes from the inside. Or outside. Actually, he said that having truth in your inner parts was holiness. You know what? That's not my point at all. I'm not going to make it though. I'm skipping to the end.

I've been somewhat focused on what I should do, but no amount of doing gets me where I want to be. I have to change myself. I said that recently, didn't I?

I get stuck when the road ends.

I have no need for Stairs

You are all terrific.

You help me to understand that I don't understand.

Every night I wish I could start the day over and do it right.

Every morning I forget the night and do whatever comes, regardless.

It's night again, and I want to do things right, but why?

I had a thought once that we read the Bible to know God, not to read the Bible, like we are supposed to.

Shouldn't that make this matter more?

I have a friend that I would read anything they wrote.

However long.

What will I think in the morning?

I don't know the first thing about love

I walked home tonight. It was beautiful. I took my time. The moon was hiding, but that was alright. It was already behind me. I decided electricity shouldn't be used so much. That's wrong. A street light went out as I approached it, and I wished the rest would go out too. A good old power outage. That would be okay. But I knew it wouldn't happen. It was too nice out. I tried to imagine what it was like before we had these day long suns in our houses. Before we could be entertained by a screen with pictures. I figure we went to sleep earlier. And had more fires. And had more active pastimes. But, we can't go back in time. And besides, I would regret it if I did. Refrigerators and medicines and all this ridiculousness everywhere that makes us so comfy.

I have a friend who told me about a guy who said that cutting something out completely was the easy way out. That instead, you just control your use and intake of the disputable activity or whatever. I totally disagreed in the case presented, but a second time round makes it seem more plausible. Like, sure, maybe we would be better off without tv and radio and video games and internet, but all of these things can be used in a good way, and refusing those cuts support from the good of it. I'm unsure.

I visited Parkland today, and talked with a girl who likes a guy. She said she liked him because of his shoes. I said that wasn't true. She wouldn't have paid any attention to his shoes if she didn't already like him. She agreed. But she continued to ask friends if it was shallow to like someone because of their shoes. I was indirectly thinking about that. I think she stuck to that because she needed a reason for why she liked him. Not for herself, but...gah.

I tried thinking of reasons for why I do what I do. I didn't get a lot of answers from myself. Now I know how everyone else feels. Maybe that's okay though? I don't know the best way to proceed in this game of life. It's my first time through. Let's play again sometime.