Peacing out

I stole my sister's laptop! Aha! From my brother, funny enough. I'm not terribly fond of lappy keyboards. This one is missing the f key, which weirds me out. But hey, I adventured and want to tell, whether you care or not.

Once upon a time, there was a rock. This rock was called an island by those who 'discovered' it, but it was just a big rock. They convinced me to camp on this. Or maybe I made the suggestion before I saw the 'island'. I liked it though. We needed three trips to get the four of us and all our stuff across in that tiny, deflating dingy, but we made it. THERE WAS A GIANT BIRD!!! Josh and I were first to approach the island, and there was a log/person looking thing on top of where we were supposed to sleep. It was a bird. It was child sized. Maybe childlike. It didn't stick around long enough for us to get accquainted very well.

We made us some cheese quasidillas. Josh was our chef. Did anything exciting happen that night? The sunset was pretty, and there were not any bugs, as far as I could tell. The stars were everywhere! And the phosphoresence was in the water. It was very beautiful. I didn't sleep very well. If I were a writer, I would write about how I was thinking about the stars and phosphoresence and how I revelled in God's creation, or was inspired somehow. I wasn't. I did stare at the stars a while. Watched a satallite. Noticed all my stuff was wet. Brynn said he peed on my pillow, but it had to be more than that. Jon said moisture happens at night. Like it was common knowledge. That I forgot. Not comfortable.

I peed a lot. We figured the tide would be down by morning. It wasn't. I'm going take the credit. When I woke up and the sun was up, I had enough with my wet stuff and bad sleep. Josh was pretty much up. Brynn was the only one who didn't really get up. Josh made us breakfast (whipped, I tell ya. jokes), and we three went for a boat ride. It was about five in the morning. Brynn was up on our return.

Then what? I don't even know. Maybe I drank a coke? Is that note worthy? The tide was going down slow, but still going down. New areas were opening up to be explored. At first, it just allowed us to hop to other rocks without getting wet, but then it got down to sand. Spider crabs, sea annenomies. Where is my spell check? Tiny fish. There were mussels everywhere. I'd say muscles, but...I gotta work on that. And jellyfish. Jellyfish everywhere. I tried to catch one with a spear. Yeah right. The sea life was easily fasinating.

However, Brynn and Josh were more interested in building stuff, and as our ever growing rock had not a single tree, we had to make trips over to the mainland. Or the big island. Full of chinese. They brought us back some wood Matthew and I didn't really want, then told us it was our turn to get some. We lack wood gathering skills. Or tying skills. Water floating skills? There was an octopus stump.

We got some would back, and the natives made a fuss. Matthew left early. We found a skull. Defs not human. I've watched cop shows. I know. It was probs a seal skull. We figured. Brynn the boat around the island by himself. Tres difficult to manouver by oneself. I threw starfish at him. He told me if I hit him, he would be especially upset, and would beat me. I tried getting them into the boat without hitting him. Almost, but he deflected with his paddle.

We packed up, and went home. At some point, I decided I didn't need to have a shirt. Now I have a nice burn. If it doesn't go peeling on me, my farmers tan will be a thing of the past. The three of us were very tired. I went home and lazed around for hours. filled out some important forms. Got jon and tommy to see a movie with me at seven. Except...

Jon's keys vanished. Straight up. We searched all the logical places it could be, then illogical, and still, gone. We looked for over an hour. They were nowhere. He better tell me where he finds them. So that actually didn't happen. I tried to outlast the sun, since I got up when it did, but I didn't sleep very well, and the sun has some crazy endurance. Did not beat the sun. Ugh.

Then, I got a haircut this morning. Ali cut my hair. It is very short. But, I won't have to worry about my hair for a while now. All according to plan. I always tense up when I'm getting a haircut. Haircuts don't care me. It's always some pretty girl cutting my hair though. Crows scare me. I was walking, andsome crow started following me. Whatevs. Caw all you want. Then it swoops past my head. ahahh2qhvahhsdbsdibvhdbjlb. Bit sketched. Not the first time that happened either. I left jon's house. There is a dead bird outside. crow maybe. Another one on the powerlines. Swoops. I snap and point, it backs of. Still, I'm freaked.

Damn crows.

That light looks like a trumpet

I was watching a musical about a villian. We were going to try to recreate it, but I realized my voice doesn't compare to that of whoever I was supposed to play. What gave me the gall to even think that? Sometimes, you just gotta hit your head real hard to come back to your senses. Or step back and think about things a whale. hmm.

You know how guys can not think about stuff? Totally happening right now. I guess that's okay though. The internet won't see me for a whale, and I'm okay with that. I'm almost done that girl book. I like it a bunch. I think I like Africa. Although, right now I'm useless. What do I do? I can play a little music, or play with their children. Children can entertain themselves. The only time they don't is when you give them technology. Who said this was a good idea? And they make better music than I make. Some might say it is just different, but they don't know what they are talking about.

I guess I go to bible college in September, and they will teach me...What do you learn at a bible college? Learn to read the bible? Talk to Jesus? I guess everyone needs Jesus. Maybe they will teach me that better. But I want to help. Talking a bunch about something doesn't help. It's a bit annoying actually. I'd rather know how to build something or fix something. Grow food and useful things like that. Be a doctor. Save lives. Right now...

I was told that some people know exactly what they have to do to get where they want after the tracks of high school end. Where to go, who to talk to. They've got it all worked out. Me? I'm just figured out where I want to go. No idea how to get there. And they don't make maps for this. Not good ones anyway. There's a guy I admire greatly, who says that we have to wait on the Lord. I'm hesitant of christianese, but he said that so far, God has been taking him to good and better places, so why not? Ain't let him down yet. Maybe...

We'll see.

I will talk to other people after this.

Umm so my computer is broken. Pretty much forever. Kyle tried to fix it for about three hours. Knothing. We were going to hang out, but I was a rag doll and the computer was frustrating. It likes to turn itself off whenever it wants. Which is tres often. Not useful. Let's explain why I was a rag doll. Ready?

I have a month left to see everyone/do everything/make sure I got all the things I might need for two and then four and four months of being gone. Maybe longer. Hopefully longer. I don't think I need to live with my parents anymore. but anyway, thursday was the market, but before that I was in vic with josh and chris. Bubble tea is a strange drink, but I find it grows on you. Just not 'tangy'. Yuck. Michael was a model. I witnessed that. And then he and Christine and I tried to do stuff, but it didn't work...maybe? I can't actually remember what I did. We might have ended the night with playing music. I think.

I think we might have played music on friday too. Unless that was at night. Might have been. Nope. I did stuff friday. Believe you me. But Saturday it gets fun. Saturday I got to thrid street cafe bright and early, nine fifteen or something like that. fortyfive. nine forty five. Anyway, got a table around ten, started worrying that maybe breakfast wasn't at ten and I've lost my mind, texted my lost band mates."I've got a table". Brynn was outside and saw that I had a table, found me, and I wasn't worried anymore. Michael was in his truck. And confused. Why did Werner get a table? do we need a table? Where did he a get table? the side of the road? He thought things like that for a whale. Until he realized we were eating breakfast and all that jazz. We went to Brynn's, where the show was to occur. Did occur. Started setting up. Kyle came and helped. Kyle made us sound better. I would say good, but brynn's dad said he couldn't make us sound good. That it was impossible. He might have just been talking about me. Kyle said something about it being nice if we had a table. That made us laugh. A little bit.

showtime came. The audience drifted in like an icebreaking vessel through the arctic. With less power. And slower. English is a funny language. Oh, so we played our pretty tunes, and they clapped. The neighbours didn't come over for a while, but they cheered for us through the trees. Pretty dang sweet. We chilled for much time after. Eventually there were about nine of us. But Michael wanted to eat his birthday pie, and Elizabeth, as the pie maker, wished to see him enjoy it. I keep telling him something is there, but...I also tell him he doesn't have to listen to me in these matters. Where is my experience? The seven remaining went and climbed horth hill. Didn't get home till late. Legs covered in insect bites. Those are the nights that make life worth it. Except for mosquitoes. Birthed in me is a deep hatred for insects. Maybe the world would be hosed without them, but there are so many, I should be able to kill everyone I see. Right?

Ten seemed too early, but I made it to church. Ate breakfast after. Third street again. Some diplomacy at Jon's. I made mistakes. Jon took Iberia from my french grasp. But I'd like to see those English try to recover. Heh heh heh. Ate in the skid. Climbed a tower. Beautiful. I have to do that again before I go. After, we stood and conversed with each other for...who knows? An hour maybe? It started off 'where should we go?', but place didn't really matter. And then, time flies.

Monday wasn't terribly exciting till later. I saw Michael for a couple hours. Then at five a few of us went downtown and played billiards. And assassin? I think that is what it is called. Jon stole the 'candies'. They weren't candies. He didn't mean to. Cactus club. They've got one fancy restroom. There was even a chair. For lounging. Maybe? That part was weird. Came back to skid town, enjoyed the beach, checked out the phosphoresence and then it was tres late, and time to go. I think I made a new friend, but turns out I might never see them again. There's that.

That's enough. It just get's boring again after that. Sort of. I heard 'Look Out Behind You!' is playing at serious coffee at 7pm on the 21st. And on the 26th and the Cronk house. Those are cool things I'll probs attend.

Sometimes...

Also

My house is a sauna. So hot. Sitting here makes me sweat. The air...It's warm like that. You know how, when is a sauna, it gets harder to breath, and even if it didn't, it feels different? As though the air was laced with warm moisture? It feels like that. I was told being in the sauna for a bit and then taking a cold shower was crazy good for your skin. You sweat pretty well, cleaning out the dirt, and then washing it out all nice. Good for the pores.

I am now unemployed. It's great. Sometimes, when I'm walking along, I remember that I'm unemployed, and that it summer time, and I get excited. Right there on the street. Not that that doesn't happen all the time, or like you could tell. Just trust me. Today, I was in Sidney for a couple hours, and... My shirt has a hole in the top, where one of my shoulders are. The sun burnt one of my shoulders through that hole. Isn't that crazy? Some people like this. I think I have to grab someone and jump in the ocean. I would just jump in by my lonesome, but then I would look like a fool. And I ain't no fool. Or maybe...

I imagine myself talking like this to people. How all my words are worth hearing, never mumbled, always confident. They smile and let me finish whatever I'm saying. It's always brilliant and funny. Whatever they say always makes it better. Recently, I realized it isn't like this. In all likelihood, I'll probably be shy or awkward or a jerk. Or mumble. I always know what I am saying, and when you know what you are saying, it doesn't really matter what you sound like. So I really don't know. Bad volume control. In this imagination of mine, the scenes are always different. I talked to a guy I'm seeing over the next two days sometime (ain't fully sure. That's why I was talking with him. Still ain't fully sure.) and pictured myself being funny and impressive, as I always do. Though, I never am. For some reason, he thinks I'm awesome. I haven't the foggiest. I got there and there was this other guy talking about some other thing. The nerve. So I stood and waited until he was gone, but the moment for funny/impressive/imagined me was gone. As usual.

My dad's a pretty funny guy. When I was a kid, I don't think I liked as much as I do now. We were lazy kids. Still are. We need to told, to be yelled, what we should have been doing. We still do. But now, I don't really care how much you yell. If you yell at someone for a while, and they don't care, all you are is tired. Why were you yelling? Anyway, my dad will, when you tell him about some situation (almost anything), he will tell you what he would have done. I would place a stack of money on that is not what he would have done. He's just saying that. I have found myself doing that too. That's what cool, imagined me would have done. We'll call him Wilhelm. For kicks.

Some people told me I walk like my dad. I found that strange. My parents... I watch them. Casually. If they are around. They've been married for twenty something years. It's okay I don't know, because the number changes on saturday. I intend to get married one day. I've been told by a guy or two that I have the gift of celibacy, but I think they were joking. When I get married, I intend it to last a while. Like, forever sounds good. It's interesting to see what one looks like in twenty years. My mother whines a bunch in my opinion. I tell her this, but she doesn't seem to approve. I probably wouldn't either, if my son told me that.

Despite unemployment, I think I have managed to fill up this week with people to see. I should be seeing people, because I don't want to think very much. Thinking gets me in trouble. Makes sad. The idle mind is the devil's playground. I read that in a book today. It made me smile microscopically. I was in that musical. Except, in the book, they said 'workshop' instead of 'playground'.

Hummingbird

Sing With Your Eyes Closed

Tomorrow is my last night. Tonight they gave me off. I worked the last five. Do you think I can sleep? I should be able to. I'm tired. I'm getting sick, so I'm all sore and sickly, snotty nose and all. Yuck. It's a bad time to decide you need company. Not even to talk to. Just to be there.

I have half a mind to walk down to slevin and and hang out with Dan.

I'm reading a book by some lady. I won't tell you what it is, because I am increasingly sure it is a girl book. I can tell you when I am done. Won't let you sway me. In the book, a family(all girls except for the father. A large contributor to my suspicion.) moves to the congo. Their purpose is the salvation of souls. Or his intent. The rest of the family aren't really sure why they are there, and do not seem too thrilled about it either. But anyways.

In the book, they realize Africa ain't nothing like it is over here. Straight up. Life there is different. I know a little bit. I've been there. Not long enough to know, to really know, but long enough to see it is different. Life is survival. Here, life is... I'm not satisfied with what life looks like here. Get a job, work the rest of your life until you think you will have enough money to last you until you die. I know there is more, but that is the part I'm just not satisfied with. I won't follow that. What's money anyway? And...What is life without work? Kind of...slow.

People go strange if you leave them alone to long. Like fruit in the sun. 

I just don't know what life is. What I want it to be. I think my head is done. I can probably sleep now.

I Wonder What He Is Captain Of...

10 hours to go. 21 hours in.

It seems I'm good at making not friends. Wednesday night I worked. 4 in the morning, some dork came in. Wanted me to make a whole pizza for him. Jerk. He only wanted one piece...pizza ain't a crazy fast seller at four in the morning. Nothing is. Coffee and papers might just be the winners. I was sort of crashing. Night shifts don't mix well with me having a life, which I was trying to do at the time. That was probably the hardest, maybe second hardest I've ever crashed. I told that to shut up and get out. Well...first I refuse him for about five minutes, then asked what kind of pizza he wanted. He was still kind of hung up on the 'I can refuse service to whoever I want' bit. It was annoying. I told him to shut up and I'd make him a freaking pizza. You just told me to shut up. I'm leaving. Alright, get out. You just told me to get out. Yup. You don't have to be such a prick. Don't you love drunks? He called half an hour later, still whining about his damn pizza. So I made him one, but he never came. What a jerk.

Last night, another drunk came in. He was being friendly. I find them annoying, but I'd rather friendly over...well, I let him use the washroom (we don't have one at night, by the way. Should have refused him right there.), and he was grateful and left. Came back, got a pizza, made comments about robbing the place, said 2 dollars for pizza is taking all his money (pizza is essential at two thirty in the morning. Frick.). I told him to have a good night. You know, implying his exit. He didn't seem to get it (or like it), so I kept on that track. He said something about bashing my head and , and about how I was going to go home and play video games. Man. I wish I were. And we were friends in the beginning.

It seems I'm getting worse at keeping those. temper temper.

9 and a half hours to go.

An upcoming adventure

Only super nerdy people do stuff like this, but I like challenges. And who cares if I am super nerdy? I don't, so there. We, being me and some other fans, will attempt to recreate a musical from the internet. Crazy huh? Dr. Horrible's sing along blog. If it all falls together, it will be sweet. Unfortunately, I haven't found as much support as I was hoping I would find. That makes it more difficult.

You know in the movies, where you all see them actors being cool and loved by fans who don't really know them? That is their role. Be that guy. The villain. Hero. Singer. Lover. Whatever. They do it, well sometimes, sometimes not, but they don't make the movie happen. You know? Director, camera guys, light guys, ect ect ect. I don't know all the details, but I know it is more than kids pretending to be someone else. I know that. Details details details. It will be crazy amounts of work. But, that's okay. As said, I like challenges.

At the end of this, I will be unemployed. By choice. I won't have enough money. I know that. But I want out. Need out. I can be that man, but I can do better to. I have to. I modelled for a photographer the other day. Maybe I could be a ridiculously good looking male model. If I avoid gasoline fights, I should live a long, blissful life. Realistically, I might kill someone if I worked in a job like that. Do you know me? Does that tell you why?

I could be a rockstar. I'd have to focus a bit, but I could be. Why not? It would be lots of fun. Lots of luck to get in. What's the difference between a park bench and an artist? The park bench can support a family of four. I'd be risking that, but who makes a family at twenty? I joke that my life is over now that I am twenty. Really, I have lots of time left to do fun stuff. Ridiculous, what-the-duece-are-you-doing stuff. Like be a rockstar. Then, in a few years, when I still have nothing, and them secondary educationed kids are done and equipped to get paid big bucks or at least have a plan of some sort, would I regret it? Recently, I've realized I'm not as good at that 'live without regrets' thing as I thought I was. 'You only live once' didn't even cut it. I wasn't thinking. No time for hesitation. Carpe Diem, right? I hesitated.

Or I could be an actor. I don't think I could be, nothing worth getting paid for as is. Enough to have some fun, but nothing to earn a living yet. Practice makes perfect, right? If this reenactment works. Sorry. When this reenactment occurs, I can look at that. Judge off that. Perhaps. I have nothing but fond memories of putting on plays and other such performances. Them planned ones. On the fly, who knows what I'll do. I mean, will happen. So, yeah. I could be famous. Cool eh? Be my friend now. Hahaha.

All that was tangent. Cadence. Word. Aha. The point was, I don't have time now because I work every night, or something like that, and sleep when I am not at work, and then see kids, friends, acquintances, when I should be sleeping and am not. Almost keeps me in that place of tired-enough-that-I-am-still-fun-but-not-dead. Take out work and I'll sleep at night, and have to do anymore. Funny enough, I've found out that no one wants to hang out with you unless you have a job. That isn't what they are thinking, but definitely what happens. In any case involving me. So these projects wil keep me busy. Focused on something healthy. You know?

I wonder if I will ever find someone who takes me seriously in person. I wonder if, when I find this person, I will enjoy them.